This one’s for Emily, whose Newsroom recaps are almost enough to make me dive back in — but not quite. Funny or Die has spoofed the opening scene of Sorkin’s most divisive show in “A Message to Aaron Sorkin,” allowing Luke Barnett (as Will McAvoy) to illustrate exactly why the show is un-sit-throughable to so many viewers who wish that it could only be good. We’re supposed to be content with snappy patter? “Sherlock has dialogue, Gilmore Girls has dialogue, House, Veronica Mars, even Buffy the Vampire Slayer has a zinger every now and again” [wait, “even”? GIVE BUFFY HER DUE]. The video also compares The Newsroom‘s Golden Globe nominations to “winning a most-improved award in your eighth grade math class.” Ouch.

• It is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends: Timberlake’s 20/20 Experience 2/2 are v-e-r-y l-o-n-g (11:28?!).
• The audition sides for Fifty Shades of Grey were too sperm-heavy for Chloe Bridges. “”If you read these three pages of asides, you would die.” (I’m pretty sure she meant “sides,” as in “audition sides,” but either way.)
• Oprah is afraid of balloons.
• Well, at least somebody appreciated our songs bracket.
• Weinstein has acquired The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby, starring Jessica Chastain and James McAvoy, for somewhere “in the $3 million range.”
• ABC makes a deal for two female comedies from Brillstein Entertainment.
• Heigl career concern watch, code orange.
• Emily Blunt and John Krasinski have bred.
• It’s not easy to be Tom Hanks on jury duty.
• DJ Mister Cee, a DJ at Hot 97 in New York, has resigned following allegations that he solicited a prostitute. He was outed by a blogger named Bimbo Winehouse. He will be missed.
• Laura Dern and Ben Harper are divorcing.
• Never forget, but don’t remember like this. The past 12 years have taught us an important lesson.
• BK BB DJs.
• Play, replay, rereplay.
• No Country for Old Miley: imagining Cormac McCarthy reviewing “Wrecking Ball.”
• Seeing a TARDIS everywhere.