Congratulations to Marta, the MVP of the Puppy Bowl. Besides bolstering the efforts of animal rescue organizations, the Puppy Bowl serves as an adorable (I hate that word, but let’s call it like it is) example of the trend of celebritizing animals: “A famous animal can become an ambassador for its species, inspiring efforts to conserve the entire population.” Not that puppies are endangered. BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE?

• Has the Ace of Cakes dethroned reigning Super Bowl psychic Joan Jett?
• Important doodles of Beyoncé’s Super Bowl outfit.
• Attending Magic Mike: The Musical with your grandmother would be even more of a mistake than you probably already suspected. You can’t pay for your lap dance with a fistful of crumpled Kleenex and embarrassment.
• Contain your devastation. The Ricki Lake Show has been canceled after one season.
• David E. Kelley’s comedy starring Robin Williams gets a formal pilot order from CBS. “It is set in the world of advertising and would star Williams as a brilliant ad executive working alongside his daughter.”
• The Scientology marketing push continues, unsuccessfully.
• Actually, porn stars would make great astronauts.
• Tempting gym membership copy!
• American Horror Story: Asylum in 60 seconds, a.k.a. the essence of “nun sex fantasies” and “sad masturbation.” Ah, the nostalgia.
• “Sin, death, and hell have set their marks on him,” so when they found Richard III under a parking lot, he was easy to identify.
• Hipster Eustace Tilley. Hey, girl.
• Side Effects’ medical adviser: “Committing murder while sleepwalking — that happens.”
• I can already tell you that I am going to have a lot more to say about The Celebrity Swan, but for now let’s just leave it at YIKES.