Why was House of Cards antihero Frank Underwood a Democrat? “If we had made Underwood a Republican, it might look as though we are trying to take cheap potshots and that the show has a political agenda. But the show doesn’t have a political agenda, so making him a Democrat has an ancillary benefit of hopefully diminishing anyone’s thoughts about this show having some sort of political point of view or agenda that we’re trying to push.” I see!

• The hackers responsible for doxxing assorted celebrities’ credit card details, bank accounts, and other things you plan to shred one day (you’ll do it! You will!) have gone after Michelle Obama (“Blame your husband, we still love you, Michelle” — cold!). The whole thing could be a hoax, because we’ve all been feeling pretty pranksy lately, but it’s hard to tell at this point. Interestingly, the hackers are Dexter fans; they probably spent their time in the endless pursuit of getting a human on the phone at Equifax ripping through all seven seasons.
• America’s fate depends on Doritos Locos Tacos.
• Here is Lady Gaga in an obnoxious gold-plated wheelchair.
• Taylor Swift can’t sell magazines. Not that she needs to. And don’t bother to console her in a lovingly penned letter.
• Vince Vaughn is set to host SNL on April 13, with musical guest Miguel (“the show is becoming something of a Medici family to these R&B renaissance men“).
• Zero Charisma and geeksploitation (one protagonist “is master within his domain, and slave everywhere else,” but of course) makes me want to rewatch Darkon. Gamers, see also: Big Boi and B.o.B. do “Double or Nothing” for Army of TWO: The Devil’s Cartel.
• Parenthood on its hypothetical fifth season: more Matt Lauria, beer tears drinking games, and the possibility of a gay character.
• In praise of NewsRadio.
• “Bowie is currently Earth-married to Iman, a supermodel. With their big heads and long limbs, supermodels are the closest thing we have on this planet to an alien-looking female. But his former wife, Angela, is the only person to publicly discuss his alien-ness. She wrote a book in which she straight up described her own husband as an ‘alien’ who was ‘lit from within’ and ‘one of the Light People.'” OK, I’m convinced.
• Sony will release the new David O. Russell film formerly known as American Bullshit on Christmas.
• Diplo for Pope.
• Dy-no-MITE!
• Rabbit vans, owl buses, Matthew Lesko, and more of the marketing gimmicks from SXSW.
• Dominic Monaghan hangs out with bugs and reptiles, but I’m just going to sit here “listen[ing] in to the plumbing of a saguaro cactus.”