Drake was going to bring auto-tuned messiah Future on the “Would You Like a Tour?” tour, everything was looking great, and then Drake found out that Future — like lots of us — wasn’t crazy about Nothing Was the Same, Drizzy’s third straight LP of rap-singing about social media. (The money quotes, from Billboard writer Erika Ramirez, who spent time with Future: “Drake made an album that is full of hits but it doesn’t grab you. They’re not possessive; they don’t make you feel the way I do … I’ve been on the songs of all these rappers that put out an album, and my music is still better.”) Now Future is suing Drake for $1.5 million in lost wages. This is regrettably distracting Drake from recording the next verse for the Great Kendrick Beef of 2013.

• Hit List, a fictional musical that existed only within the reality of NBC’s canceled Smash, will show in real life. E-mail this to the Smash fan in your life.
• Donald Glover posted some intense handwritten messages about leaving Community, his next Childish Gambino album, and his many terrors, including the fear that “people will find out what I masturbate to.”
• Woody Allen’s new film, set in southern France, is now titled Magic in the Moonlight. And there are images of Colin Firth, Marcia Gay Harden, and Emma Stone.
• Britney Spears’s new album is called … Britney Jean.
• Because Bane taking over a stadium wasn’t enough, Batman vs. Superman will have a football scene, too — and it’s filming in L.A. this weekend.
• Zooey Deschanel sold two TV projects, and one of them is Hello Giggles–tastic.
• Someone graphed out how much money Stephen King movies have earned vs. the number of people killed per movie.
• Michael Bay. Starz. Pirate Show. Trailer.
• I’m all about this sentence: “Napoleon Dynamite producer Jeremy Coon has optioned Raiders!, the Alan Eisenstock book that tells how two Mississippi kids set out to remake Raiders Of The Lost Ark. The pals started at 11 and finished when they turned 18, and in that time managed to re-stage every scene, shot and stunt in their backyards and basements.” YESSSS!!
• And I’m all about all the sentences in Cord Jefferson’s Gawker essay on race and Kanye West’s alleged craziness. Here are two: “I believe there are numerous valid reasons to criticize Kanye West, but his rant on Jimmy Kimmel Live is not one of them. You may think he sounded crazy, but it wasn’t a kind of crazy that was foreign to me — or, I’d assume, millions of other Americans.” Check it out.