With all of the discussion in the past week about Sex and the City (see: Emily Nussbaum’s piece in The New Yorker, which spawned this response and some ongoing discussion), it seems fitting to examine the host of our currently airing love-for-sale vehicles, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Above, Chris Harrison proves that he’s the worst wingman ever, the kind of guy who can sow seeds of doubt in even the most optimistically romantic heart. *Ding ding,* that’s a fork on a champagne glass heralding the arrival of a love-squasher. Who’s going to throw together a SATC-Harrison mash-up in which he pops up to remind Carrie and her friends to ask the profound question, “Hmm, like what if?” I would totally watch Berger as a bachelor.

• Has anyone ever not gotten mad at Fox News during an interview?
• Miley Cyrus prefers pot to alcohol and calls Bob Marley the “Rasta Mother Teresa.” Someone please direct her to the best tranny bar in Germany.
• We’re going to need a bigger dome.
• Fiona Apple will be touring with Blake Mills.
• Sharon Osbourne has no filter.
• Philip Seymour Hoffman joins a Showtime comedy pilot poetically described as “a blistering attack on our youth-obsessed culture, and a darkly comic examination of what it means to matter. Or matter not.”
• “Are you curious about the cover art for the first single for Lady Gaga’s forthcoming album ARTPOP? Have you ever wondered what it would look like if Gaga got her septum pierced? If you answered ‘Yes’ to either or both of those questions, then this is your favorite post of all time.”
• R.I.P., songwriter J.J. Cale.
• The Open Source Family.
• “You make that mass-produced, Hollywood blockbuster crap, you end up with Michael Bay’s ‘Transformers 11.’ He’s garbage, but his movies make lots of money” —James Deen, who is also interested in “making a good movie and not bowing to the capitalist theory of Hollywood.”
• In praise of PBS’s documentary Neurotypical, which airs tonight.
• The Cornetto Trilogy (Shaun of the Dead + Hot Fuzz + The World’s End) heads to Regal Cinemas on August 22.
• Weird Al breaks bad.
• Wings and cocaine.
• Happy mummy Monday: Incans got children wasted on coca and booze before they were sacrificed. At least they were given a last meal of dried llama.