Silver: Rem, happy “(Mostly) Single Sentence Movie Trailer Review Friday”. It’s my favorite day.

Browne: This is going to still take six hours. LET’S GO.

 

2 Guns (August 2)

Silver: If all that was ever released from 2 Guns was this trailer I’d be happy, so just imagine the elation I’m feeling knowing that a feature-length version of this is a few months away. Oh, HELL yeah!

Browne: I’m nervous, because I can’t imagine the movie is more entertaining than this highly entertaining, highly Denzel trailer.

 

Grown Ups 2 (July 12)

Browne: Remember when you had to work for sequels?

Silver: I refuse to accept this welcome sequel’s existence, or chortle at the site of a moose peeing on Adam Sandler, until I understand why the comic genius Rob Schneider is not a part of this film (I’ll let ya’ll determine whether I’m being sarcastic or not).

 

This Is the End — April Fools’ Trailer (June 12)

Silver: I’d like to start a campaign to try to get Jonah Hill nominated for another Oscar off of his one-line impersonation of Woody Harrelson in this fake trailer — “Weed is for the people. It’s the people’s weed!”

Browne: I can’t lie: After seeing Spring Breakers, I completely think James Franco is a mad-scientist genius.

 

This Is the End — Red Band Trailer (June 12)

Silver: If this film is successful and it triggers a slew of “we’re playing versions of ourselves” follow-up flicks from this group of funny folks, I’d like to advocate that the next one be a deep dive into Mindy Kaling’s sexual obsession with and courting of Michael Cera. Just a thought.

Browne: Criminally underrated in this trailer: the quick interaction between Kevin Hart and Aziz Ansari (I kind of wish it was Aziz kicking Hart in that hole, though).

 

Only God Forgives — Red Band Trailer (TBD)

Browne: DAN, YOU LOVE DRIVE, TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE DRIVE.

Silver: Drive is one of my top 20 favorite films of all time, so I was sold simply on the re-pairing of Refn and Gosling. My only hope is that the dragging-a-guy-down-a-hallway-by-his-mouth pays off better than the hammer/bullet/head bit teased in the Drive trailer. I want carnage.

 

The Great Gatsby (May 10)

Silver: Unless this stellar cast breaks out singing remixes of famous pop songs apropos of the unfolding drama, I think I’m going to pass on Gatsby until it’s released on VOD. I’m not getting suckered into another Australia.

Browne: I am the target audience for “getting suckered into another Australia,” so I can’t wait — this is turning into the novel-turned-blockbuster version of Watch the Throne.

 

You’re Next (August 23)

Silver: It’s got hints of the little-seen, and underrated, The Strangers, and the classic The Last House on the Left, but with creepy animal masks — but this is just another home-invasion thriller.

Browne: Unlike The Great Gatsby, I am the opposite of the target audience for You’re Next.

 

The Purge (May 31)

Silver: Speaking of home-invasion thrillers, I’m now sufficiently terrified. The Hunger Games–esque “purge” conceit is intriguing. Anchored by Headey and Hawke, this could be a really taut little thriller.

Browne: “Home Invasion” as a genre is troublesome. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss the days of a bunch of dumb teenagers going out into the woods to drink and celebrate their last days of freedom for the summer, before they all get chopped to pieces. I miss that.

 

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (August 23)

Silver: I exerted enough energy in simply typing out this film’s interminable title that I really don’t feel like spending any more time figuring out something snarky to say about this next item to fall off the YA money-grab conveyer belt. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I could listen to Jared Harris voice-overs all day long.

Browne: It’s just so apparent this series was written to eventually become a summer blockbuster. That hurts my learned heart.

CAN’T WAIT TO SEE IT, THOUGH.

 

Greetings From Tim Buckley (TBD)

Silver: I got nothing. Really. Father, son, abandonment, and music. That’s all I got. Rem?

Browne: The top YouTube comment, “please hollywood don’t fuck up Jeff Buckley,” pretty much echoes my worries about this film. Please listen to “Thehives413,” Hollywood.

 

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (August 16)

Browne: I still think “Percy Jackson” is the worst name for a movie character, ever. I’ll never get past that.

Silver: It pains me to see Logan Lerman, who was so damn good in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, toil away in this amalgamated rip-off of Harry Potter, X-Men, and Twilight. You’re better than this, brotha.

 

Arthur Newman (April 26 — Limited)

Silver: A romantic dramedy starring two of the most endearing Brit thespians sporting American accents. Sure, it’s worth a try.

Browne: Sure, it’s worth a try … once I’m done watching all of 24 and then House of Cards and then everything else on Netflix. Absolutely.

 

The Big Wedding (April 26)

Browne: HEIGL ALERT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON, HELP DAN.

Silver: I’m going to assume that the joy and gratitude Katherine Heigl felt for being cast in a movie alongside De Niro, Williams, Sarandon, and Keaton does not match the shame that those Oscar winners felt for appearing in a movie alongside Katherine Heigl. (And this is De Niro’s second time! Remember New Year’s Eve?)

 

Deep Powder (TBD)

Silver: This trailer is a little too soft and too tonally uneven to convey the Bonnie and Clyde/True Romance vibe it’s so clearly striving for.

Browne: The reason it’s not like Bonnie and Clyde is that I left this trailer with no investment in the characters. That’s not good.

 

Michael H — Profession: Director (TBD)

Silver: Is this the whole movie? If so, I liked it. Is there really enough material to fill up a 90-some odd-minute film about the guy who wrote and directed Amour?

Browne: I love “Michael H.” because it reminds me of junior high when you had a bunch of kids with the same name and you only distinguished them by the first initial of their last name.

 

The English Teacher (May 17)

Silver: So this is the spin-off sequel to Boogie Nights, huh? The one where Amber Waves cleans herself up, gets out of the porn industry, becomes a mousy (but sexy) schoolteacher? Cool. I’m in.

Browne: Julianne Moore, doing her “I’m still getting more awesome and attractive and desirable” thing in yet another film. I support this.

 

The Conjuring (July 19)

Silver: Great cast, and a director who’s proven himself in a new genre I’m calling “kitchen sink horror” — narratively and physically self-contained films about families in distress. Don’t believe me? See Insidious, it’s terrifying.

Browne: No, I’m never seeing Insidious. I’d appreciate it if you compared all films to The Lion King from here on out, so I can participate.

 

A Single Shot (TBD)

Silver: Sam Rockwell, William H. Macy (with a ‘stache!), Jeffery Wright, Ted Levine, and Jason Isaacs — if a film ever contained a cast that would entice me to screen it sight unseen, it’s A Single Shot.

Browne: A murderer’s row of really great actors that tend not to pick bad movies. There is nothing to suggest this won’t be very good.

 

Ragnarok (TBD)

Silver: I have no idea what this film is about (Viking myths?), but it certainly looks like a kick-ass adventure.

Browne: This sentence — “This viking grave is different than anything we have ever found” — is enough to make me all-in on a film. Well done, subtitles.

 

Carrie (October 18)

Browne: If there’s one actress the Silver/Browne tandem supports unwaveringly, it’s Ms. Grace Moretz.

Silver: I knew I was finally sold on this remake when Chloe Grace Moretz first dropped her version of the “crazy person”/”supervillain” stare, where the head tilts down and the eyes glare upward (think Private Pyle in the bathroom in Full Metal Jacket). Creepy!