The Days of the Dead horror convention is in Los Angeles this weekend, and judging by the website, it looks like it might feature Mrs. Potato Dick on stage 15. Too scary for you? I’m not going to entertain that argument because we live in a world that houses giant spiders the size of your face and a war between Ivy League alumni and the undead. Horror movies are way tame compared with them spiders, y’all. Thoroughly modern Carrie even washed her hair in the newly released trailer so you wouldn’t worry about her laying her telekinetic head on greasy bedsheets at night after being forced to pray in the closet. I’ll take a “blood monsoon” over “really dark black meat” any day.

• The Wanking Dead: 15 seconds with Norman Reedus.
• Parks and Rec takes on Infinite Jest. Looks like somebody didn’t skip the footnotes.
• Illegal swaggy tats < wavy Swag can recruitment doodles.
• Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories features Pharrell, Julian Casablancas, Noah Lennox and Paul Williams.
• Coachella will be in Indio through 2030, which is great news because we can all take the AARP party bus there from our retirement colony in Palm Springs.
• You can stream M83’s Oblivion soundtrack here.
• Why not eat like you give a fuck?
• Jeremy Irons’s foot took a journey deep into his mouth and discovered some basic human truths about gay marriage and handy back roads around the illegality of incest.
• These maybe-twins who found each other through the Internet and are Kickstarting their reunion/DNA tests seem to be a lot cheerier about that kind of creepiness than Caden Cotard was. Give it time.
• I guess somebody had to go there in a headline about Lil’ Poopy.
• Nora Ephron’s son is developing a documentary about her life for HBO.
• Jason Segel is writing a YA trilogy. “Why aren’t you writing a YA trilogy? These tweenagers really love those YA trilogies. Don’t you think you should write a YA trilogy?” — every blogger’s parents.
• “As of now the web is pretty small. Hopefully, it will grow into a larger web.” — Probably–Mark Zuckerberg’s ugly Angelfire page from 500 years ago