Jack Reacher (December 21)

Silver: I see the folks at Paramount took my advice and sprinkled some Werner Herzog into this trailer. Why hold any of his scenes back? It’s not like his brilliance as a performer gets stale like an overused joke in a comedy trailer. But more than this, what I like — a lot — about this trailer is that it shows us Christopher McQuarrie’s sardonic and sharp sense of humor. The hang-up-and-call-back bit at 1:00 is tonally reminiscent of some of McQuarrie’s best moments from The Usual Suspects and The Way of the Gun.

But back to Herzog for a moment. I’ve often advocated for a Liam Neeson–Jason Statham pairing in his post. But I feel I’ve found a new film that could be just as amazing. A shot-for-shot remake of My Dinner With Andre starring Christopher Walken and Werner Herzog. There’s no doubt that would be the funniest and most compelling movie ever made. Hey, Hollywood, I claim no ownership over any of these ideas. I’m just a fan who wants to see a great film. So please, just make these movies.

Browne: Sorry to take this conversation away from your boy VERNER, but did you see how this trailer ended? The final 30 seconds hasn’t a word of dialogue, but it is one of the most clever, funny, captivating scenes in recent trailer-watching memory. Still not enough Tom Cruise running for my liking, but I guess you have to save something for the actual film.

Carrie (March 15)

Silver: I don’t revere the original Carrie the way some other folks do, so I’m not going to bash this as just another unneeded remake. In fact, I’m welcoming this version with open arms. Brian De Palma, the director of the 1976 version, has spent his entire career appropriating (I’m using a kind word) and reinterpreting (better?) other artists’ works. So for a Stephen King story that is still relevant today, why not let a talented filmmaker like Kimberly Pierce (Boys Don’t Cry), along with a solid cast anchored by the great Julianne Moore and Chloë Grace Moretz (who with Let Me In and Kick-Ass has proven she knows how to properly handle material like this) give it another shot? This teaser does not give us much. It’s clear the scope will be broader, the destruction grander, but little Carrie will still be covered in blood. I’m in.

Browne: The only reason I would see this is because the title character is played by Chloë Grace Moretz, who simultaneously fascinates me and creeps me out, because she is 15 and stars in scary movies that I’m too scared to even watch.

The Impossible — UK Trailer (December 21)

Silver: With no evidence to back this up, I’ve always believed that international trailers usually outshine the ones released here in the states. They can be edgier with humor, violence, and sexual content. And I felt their tone was always closer to the actual final film. But I actually prefer the previously released domestic trailer for The Impossible. There’s no denying the visuals — the shot of the tsunami passing over the child underwater in the pool is new and just as haunting as everything we’ve previously seen — but the crescendoing of the piano and string score do the trailer and the film a disservice by feeling much too dramatic. The Impossible appears to be a film that focuses on one family’s struggle through a vast disaster. Very specific, very human, and as we saw in the previous trailer, much better paired with the subtle cover of U2’s “One.” I still am dying to see this film.

Browne: To quote myself from the first trailer recap of The Impossible, “I don’t want to watch any of the other trailers. I just want to sit here and continue this good cry.” Yep, still there.

So Undercover (TBD)

Silver: My wife made my favorite spaghetti-and-meatball dish last night. The foundation of the meal is simple, noodles and meatballs (handmade of course), but instead of marinara, everything is covered in fresh pressed garlic, olive oil, and Frank’s hot sauce. Yes, Buffalo Spaghetti and Meatballs. Don’t knock it till you try it. Absolutely delicious. One thing to keep in mind, though, don’t be too generous with the Frank’s. You don’t want to overpower the taste of the meatballs.

[Note: Because I value your time and support of Rem’s and my weekly brain droppings, I felt that it would be more beneficial to us all if I shared a delightful recipe for Buffalo Spaghetti and Meatballs instead of burn the few precious brain cells I have left to surgically skewer the cinematic pestilence that appears to be So Undercover. I’m assuming Jeremy Piven’s appearance in this film is the agreed punishment the Hollywood gods levied on him after he brought back “Let’s hug it out, bitch” and bailed on David Mamet. Make the meal. I’m fairly certain that you’ll enjoy it much more than anything having to do with So Undercover.]

Browne: How did this film make it beyond “Disney Original Feature” purgatory? I’m not saying this to be rude, I’m just curious. AND PROUD. Sorry, I love Miley and that’s not going to change anytime soon. She’s the most important yet misunderstood Southerner since Jimmy Carter.

Mama (January 1)

Silver: Rem, we’ve found our first horror-movie trailer that legitimately scared the shit out of me. Since the best horror films often play on the fears we can’t quite rationalize or explain (why is the birthday party scene from Signs the most terrifying moment I’ve ever experienced in a movie theater?), it’s hard to eloquently verbalize what it is about this trailer that creeps me out so much. Maybe it’s claustrophobia brought on by all the action seemingly taking place inside a single house? I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that I’m terrified of this film, and for this reason, I can’t wait to see it.

Browne: Who knew the Spanish pronunciation of “mamá” was 100 times scarier than the English way, especially when spoken by two possessed sisters? Go figure.

The Man With the Iron Fists — Character Trailers (November 2)

Bronze Lion

Brass Body

Silver: Although I appreciate the (all-too-brief and slightly) more detailed look at the personalities inhabiting Jungle Village, these bite-size character trailers seem like overkill. If audiences weren’t sold on The Man With the Iron Fists after the film’s first trailer, then they’re never going to be, and it’s clear they don’t know 90 some-odd minutes of awesome when they see it.

Rem … we need to see this one together. I’m fairly certain this will be a worthy follow-up to our since-unmatched The Raid: Redemption experience. Door kill!

Browne: An image:

You’re right, Dan, no more snippets. This image is all they need. THE RZA TRIPLE CROWN. November 2, where are you?

The Great Gatsby (May 10)

Silver: Here’s a bit of unsolicited career advice for Baz Luhrmann — find a way to have just the trailers for your films released, because the feature-length versions rarely live up to them. Yes, it was on me for not walking out of Australia. I could have very easily truncated the single worst movie-going experience of my life if I’d just stood up and left. But I was just so curious about how much worse the film could actually get (and the answer always was “much worse”). Just look at the trailers for Australia, or Romeo + Juliet, or even Moulin Rouge! (Luhrmann’s heavily flawed but finest film). They’re great. Each of these trailers successfully tease an appealing tone, energy, and narrative for films that are ultimately visually striking, bloated pieces of melodrama, which rely on an excessive use of music to compensate for being emotionally vapid. And we see nothing in this latest Gatsby trailer to indicate anything different. (FYI, the Strictly Ballroom trailer was not included in the above list because it’s clearly a studio-cut piece. It doesn’t have any Luhrmann attributes.)

Browne: While I’ve gone out of my way to not get too excited for this film, every time I hear Jack White’s cover of “Love Is Blindness” behind the drama that is Jay Gatsby’s life, I’m increasingly pulled in. It’s like the “Creep” cover by those Belgian kids in The Social Network that still day-haunts me. Well, like that, but divided by 600, because there might not be a better song-visual matchup than “Creep” playing while people update their Facebook feeds.

Movie 43 — Green Band Trailer (January 25)

Silver: Other than some clever editing and sound mixing leading to a loss of vulgarity and nudity and a brief glimpse of Jason Sudeikis, Justin Long, and Leslie Bibb as half-rate Batman, Robin, and Wonder Woman, there’s not much new in this trailer. But that doesn’t matter to me. I’m still all in on this film. I’m going to say that the skit I’m now most excited for is the “Truth of Dare” one. I find the pairing of Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant to be odd, but inspired. I always find him to be hilarious, and I think this is a much-needed peek at a silly Halle Berry.

Browne: Don’t watch this trailer. Watch the Red Band one again. Unless you haven’t seen the Red Band one, in which case enjoy this one, and then really enjoy it sans editing. For better or worse, I too am still pumped to see Emma Stone tears and Gerard Butler as a gnome and McLovin still struggling through those awkward teenage years.

Save the Date (November 8 — VOD / December 14 — Theatrical)

Silver: This one’s fairly simple for me. I am going to see this film, and I am going to love it. The only thing that could outweigh my desire to see two of my top five female cine-crushes play sisters on-screen is the text appearing in the title card at :30 — “From the producers of The Kids Are Alright, Waitress, and Garden State.” Each of those films made my top-10 list for the years they were released. Although very unique and distinctive in narrative, each of these films share a similar tonal structure and themes (emotional evolution of adults stuck in arrested development after the turn of the century). And from what we take away from this trailer, Save the Date appears to fall right in line. Looking forward to this one.

Browne: Save the Date is my Magic Mike. Instead of howling at the screen when Channing Tatum takes off his shirt, I will be in the theaters smiling, sighing audibly, and dealing with a strong case of the butterflies as Caplan and Brie fill my young heart with whimsy. It’s unclear if I’ll be able to handle both of them in the same film. Actually, it just became clear. I can’t. Not even close.