Someone Has Talked Betty White Into ‘Tweeting’ and ‘Propositioning Ryan Seacrest’

Adding to the myriad professional burdens represented by her TV Land sitcom, her rocker-pratfall show on NBC, a still-bustling movie career, Facebook-mandated hosting gigs, the occasional Pound Puppies drop-in, filthy Nicki Minaj guest verses, and, we assume, arthritis-torturing 12-hour Shenzhen factory shifts slapping Gorilla Glass into iPads just to decompress on the weekends, someone has decided that Betty White should join Twitter. You know, great! Everyone is on Twitter. Hugh Hefner tweets his backgammon scores. Elizabeth Taylor, God rest her eternal soul, was on Twitter. [Aside to Twitter: Shouldn’t someone delete that account? We fear it’s haunted. It just DM’d us a link to an Instagram pic of a bottle of White Diamonds.]

So, fine, some publicist who insists she “gets” social media strong-armed a nonagenarian into authorizing a verified Twitter account, which we assume mostly will be used to promote Off Their Rockers and which Betty White will, in all likelihood, never even see. But can we make one tiny request of whomever is doing the ghost tweeting? Please, no more jokes about fucking Seacrest. Even though we all know Betty’s not doing this herself, it’s impossible not to imagine her standing next to an assistant clutching an iPhone, whispering out of the side of her mouth, “God, I’d really love to bone that Ryan Seacrest. Think he’s into it? Put that on the Twitter thing, let’s see what happens.” It’s just too hot to think about.

Filed Under: Betty White

Mark Lisanti is an editor at Grantland.

Archive @ marklisanti