Piranha 3DD Trailer: Not Even David Hasselhoff Can Save You Now

PiranhaWhat do you do for an encore when the first installment of your self-aware killer-fish-sploitation movie franchise featured Jerry O’Connell’s genitalia being bitten off? You go even bigger, of course. As if the title didn’t give it away, Piranha 3DD follows up the blissfully stupid Piranha 3D with even more gruesome water-based deaths that a marine biologist would scoff at. This time the piranhas are attacking a resort pool, somehow, and celebrity lifeguard David Hasselhoff is on hand to watch it all go down: piranhas dying via the bite of Gary Busey, piranhas dying via the bullet-shooting legs of Ving Rhames, piranhas dying via the fact that they are inside some lady’s stomach and probably can’t survive for long outside of water. With the first Piranha, star Adam Scott was so sure the movie would be worth your time that he promised to come to your house and act out scenes if you were disappointed: “Will need local Elisabeth Shue look-alike to run dialogue with, a plaid shirt, two high-fives (one before we run the scenes, one after), peanut M&M’s, a map with the closest Red Roof Inn circled on it (I won’t be staying there, I just like knowing where it is. I’ll be staying with you), a 700-word essay on why you neglected to recognize that Piranha 3D totally fucking shreds, Perrier, a quick guitar lesson, one grenade, dinner with your family, and directions to the airport.” Scott’s not around this time — his character already met his doom by the way of a flying giant sideways piranha — but it’s probably safe to say the offer stands.

Filed Under: Movies, Scouting Report

Amos Barshad has written for New York Magazine, Spin, GQ, XXL, and the Arkansas Times. He is a staff writer for Grantland.

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