The life of a young, successful, beloved, Katniss-playing actor is quite the ride. You’re nominated for an Academy Award once a year, and there’s that whole thing. You’re ushered into the real-life role of modern-day Julia Roberts, making everyone happy all the time. And, once in a while, you find yourself at glamorous, open-bar Oscar after-parties, where you learn that Brad Pitt is both approachable and redolent of sweet, earthy sandalwood.

Then you yak all over the porch at a little get-together Madonna’s having down the street and Miley Cyrus is standing right there like, “Ugh, figure out your SHIT, America’s SO-CALLED ‘SWEETHEART’!” And as you’re trying to squeegee the vomit off the deck with your Dior handbag you find yourself going, “And we caaaaaaan’t stopppp,” and Miley’s still all salty but she’s like, “And we woooooon’t stoppp,” and you’re like, “We run things, things don’t run we, can’t stop pukin’ at this party,” and Miley’s like, “BROOOO,” and then she loves you just as much as the rest of the human race and you get nominated for another Oscar.