‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ Teaser Sorely Lacks Speech-Capable Raccoon

The full Guardians of the Galaxy trailer will show up during tonight’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, so now we’ve got a few hours to sit in our chairs doing nothing except watching a 15-second teaser and speculating. Will Chris Pratt make us laugh in this one, or is he all business? Will Zoe Saldana look more like her human self as a green Zen-Whoberian than a blue Na’vi? Why isn’t the talking raccoon (voiced by Bradley Cooper!) in the teaser? Why is the teaser anything but a talking raccoon?

Jimmy Fallon’s first Tonight Show scored 11.3 million viewers.

Ageless Pharrell answers a reporter’s question about being a vampire: “No I am not. I’m willing to go on record as saying that I don’t drink people’s blood. How do I stay so young-looking for a 40-year-old? I wash my face.” [via]

House of Lies and Shameless are sticking around at Showtime.

Here’s the first full trailer for Jesse Eisenberg’s Multiplicity The Double.
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If the great Michael Kiwanuka wasn’t already on your radar/shelf, Jack White produced his new single, so listen up.

Drake got Outkast to co-headline his fifth OVO Fest this August in Toronto.

South Carolina police had to spend their time arresting someone over a nine-year overdue VHS rental of Monster in Law. There’s been a warrant out since 2005; the video store doesn’t even exist anymore. [via]

It’s been a year since My Chemical Romance announced they were done, but now there’s “one last song,” and it’s called — conspiracy theory alert — “Fake Your Death.”

CBS ordered a pilot of CSI spinoff about cyber crimes. What’s the “scene” of a cyber crime look like? A desk dusted with Cheez Doodle remains?

You may now watch an almost-two-hour talk with Vince Gilligan and the entire writing staff of Breaking Bad, hosted by The Walking Dead’s Glen Mazzara.

A sequel to Kevin Hart and Ice Cube’s very successful Ride Along is officially underway.

And Chris Farley did the Matt Foley sketch in 1990 at Second City, three years before it would become legendary at SNL. [via]

Filed Under: Afternoon Links, guardians of the galaxy, chris pratt, Zoe Saldana, pharrell, house of lies, shameless, Showtime, Jesse Eisenberg, the double, my chemical romance, Entourage, haley joel osment, Breaking Bad, chris farley