I think I prefer George W. Bush’s hacked “in-progress” paintings to Emile Hirsch’s completed ones. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Why wouldn’t he have hacked these himself? Maybe he was as self-deprecating about his hobby as Eisenhower was. They almost make you like him. Jerry Saltz writes: “We’ve seen two images of him cleansing himself, in warm water. It’s already enough to set you off on fantasies of aloofness, aloneness, exile, and hiding. Bush regards himself. Yet nothing untoward is showing or seen. He is chaste and untouched even when alone. We see his knobby knees and his toes peeking up above the running water. A Freudian will have to tell us why the water is running in both pictures. Private baptism; trying to get clean; infantile ecstasies; purification rituals?”

• Sexy Anne of Green Gables can’t get any love. Somewhere between the new blonde cover girl and the old pigtailed sister of Alfred E. Neuman lies a marketing sweet spot. I call anti-Gingerism.
• Tom Perrotta’s The Leftovers has a pilot order from HBO. The script was co-written by former Lost co-showrunner Damon Lindelof, so maybe we’ll finally get to see Tracy Flick vying for attention on a post-Rapture Lost island, JUST AS WE ALWAYS DREAMED.
• Nemo mucks around with filming schedules, cavorts on the stiletto-heeled corpse of Fashion Week–affiliated productions, and uses its icy fingers to lock the AMC theaters of Boston. ALERT! ACTION! AWARE!
• “To anger female voters in America is to tread on the tiger’s tail.” —Henry Rollins, defender of vaginas
• While you’re snowed in or hiding from a wanted man, try rubbing Warheads all over your body for your partner to sniff out and lick, or give him or her a beer facial. Just kidding. Don’t.
• Everything’s going to hell.
• The too-literal White Rabbit will be there, I bet.
• And so will this pizza.
• It ain’t fair how we scrounge for three or four bucks, while Quvenzhané Wallis gets Warbucks (maybe).
• “Pity-party”ing Idol Matheus Fernandes told a tall tale.
• The legend of Miss Cleo: Never forget.
• Hailey Glassman, toucher of micropenises, is going to be in that Girls-inspired reality show you care so much about.
• “Just like you would study before a test, you’ll want to be sure to prepare yourself physically and mentally before you begin the moose cleanse.”
• I think it’s time we walked this one to the vet and put it down.