Afternoon Links: The Rock’s Pitch to Reboot Twilight
De-extincting your franchise with Dwayne Johnson: The Rock, otherwise known as “Franchise Viagra,” imagines defibrillating Star Wars, James Bond, Batman, Shrek, and Twilight. (“We would introduce the biggest, baddest, most manliest vampire the world has ever seen or will ever see. Go to Kristen Stewart, grab her by the back of the head, pull her in closely. Here comes Pattinson. Pie-face him out of the way. Look at her before I kiss her: ‘We’re doing away with boyhood things.’ Push him out of the way. Give her the kiss. Change her life. Then I’d bite her; rip her face off.”)
- Barbara Walters may be retiring in May.
- Tread lightly, spoilerphobes: Here is the trailer for Before Midnight, and here’s one for You’re Next.
- Game of Thrones‘s obscure cast minutiae, because y’all are OBSESSIVE.
- Adventures in enforced Method acting: dead kestrels, sucker punches, and other assorted sadistic director moves.
- Your passive-aggression is appreciated!
- “What if Adderall turns out to be the new coffee — a ubiquitous, mostly harmless little helper that enables us to spend more time poring over spreadsheets and less time daydreaming or lolling about in bed?” Awesome, MORE TIME TO PORE OVER MY SPREADSHEETS!
- Hunting for housewives.
- Lana del Rey covers Leonard Cohen’s “Chelsea Hotel No. 2.”
- “You wouldn’t hang out with the purse thief or the identity thief or the heart thief, so why are you hanging out with the good-vibes thief?”
- My favorite headline of the day: Three Crazy James Bond Villains Were Caught Trying to Cut Through The Internet’s Undersea Cables.
- “Next year, astronomers think there’s a chance — albeit a small one — of a neighboring planet getting punched by an icy interplanetary interloper.” —Why A Mars Comet Impact Would be Awesome
Filed Under: Loose Ends
Lifetime’s New Reality Slate: Fix Your Hair, Fix Your Teeth, Fix Your Cryptically Race-Related ‘Inner Glow‘
Attempted Murder and Memes: The Slender Man Hoax Turns Horribly Real
Shark Week vs. Sharknado Week: Who Will Win the Coming Shark Wars?
Can ‘Houdini’ Help Johnny Depp Escape Hollywood Jail?
The U.K. Just Doesn’t Get Macaulay Culkin’s Pizza Band
More Loose Ends
‘Magic: The Gathering: The Movie’
Afternoon Links: The Newsroom Renewed for a Third and Final Season
Afternoon Links: Aaron Sorkin and Courtney Love Are Reportedly Seeing One Another Romantically
Afternoon Links: Sherlock’s Probably Sticking Around for Awhile
Afternoon Links: Muppets Most Wanted Finds a Way to Make a Must-Watch Teaser
More Hollywood Prospectus
Brand Echh: Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton Can’t Save the Lame ‘Our Brand Is Crisis’
50 Scenes That Do Not Appear in the Fox ‘X-Files’ Revival
In Praise of Beach Slang, 2015’s Best, Most Sincere Rock Band
Who Was Missing From Taylor Swift’s Miami Squad?
Happy ‘Halloween’: The Best Horror-Movie Monsters