Angry Birds the movie is coming, and it’s coming in 3-D. The question is, how relevant will the addictive slingshot-pig-avian formula be in three years (the planned release date is July 2016)? Seven years after the birds were released into the tropical habitat of iOS, they’ll probably be more cranky than angry. You’ll shoot them at targets and they’ll just do a gripe-‘n’-flop, breaking their hips when they land. I just want a 3-D feature about the happy Australian breastwhale. And I want it immediately.

• Winter Is Always Sunny in Westeros.
• Chris Pine and Jake Gyllenhaal are in talks to join Disney’s adaptation of Into the Woods. Meryl Streep (the witch) and Johnny Depp (the wolf) are already onboard. I’m guessing they’re up for the princes, so now I’m going to busy myself with fantasy-casting Jack and listening to “Agony” and feeling embarrassed in my basement, all alone. This conversation never happened. Now leave me in my show-tunes dungeon to hate myself in private.
• Cops and barbers on tap for TNT’s and TBS’s upcoming series.
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman has been cast in John Slattery’s directorial debut, God’s Pocket, based on a Pete Dexter novel.
• Meet the new Google Maps.
• I applaud the idea of a guerrilla rebranding campaign against Abercrombie & Fitch, but this approach has some troubling problems. Outfitting the homeless in douchewear is territory on which you must tread lightly, sensei.
• The Lonely Island capitalizes on the ragin’ hot incest trend with “I Fucked My Aunt.” Sample lyrics: She rode her bike over ’cause the streets was closed / My aunt standing there in soaking-wet clothes.
• Actors and the biopic subjects they play r twinz.
• Stinky foam eats China.
• The only problem with Brassft Punk is that it hasn’t yet covered “Doing It Right.”
• Wave hello to my racism-busting rubber hand.
• Tremaine “Tree” Johnson has a new mixtape for you.
• Here’s some Skyrim beard porn for your link dump dessert.