Omar Sy and Bradley Cooper are in talks to appear in The Weinstein Company’s comedy Chef. Cooper previously starred in Fox’s Kitchen Confidential, but you probably don’t remember that.

• The Canyons could make money despite being handed “the gentleman’s F” by festivals, and it’s your fault for VODing.
• James Deen has a food blog now (“James Deen Loves Food”), just in case his fans weren’t already too stuffed with dicks to watch Deen eat “Everything at Del Taco.” He also discusses his favorite serial killers (Count Chocula, probably).
• More vittles: Is this a recipe for tortilla soup? Is it a Yo La Tengo video? No! It’s a recipe for tortilla soup and a Yo La Tengo video!
• I, too, would consider making a deal with the devil (Willem Dafoe) to dance with Usher. The Mercedes is way secondary.
• Jason London responded to yesterday’s scathing police report with photos of his broken face and knuckles that didn’t look like they’d engaged in much punching. The plot thickens!
• Jack Donaghy’s insult generator will get you through the long, dark night and prevent you from becoming permanently sour. And an early warning: This is your last season to start working up the How I Met Your Mother generator before the show ends. Suit up!
• Vanity Fair’s baroque-sounding Hollywood portfolio, shot by Bruce Weber, is going to weigh 600 pounds; features bears, elephants, tiger cubs; and was described by a VF correspondent as “more Cinecittà than Disney, a place where Old Hollywood glamour is filtered through the lens of postwar Italian neo-realism, and Norman Rockwell wholesomeness is given an antic Fellini edge.” LOL. No.
• Do I look sexy in front of this Holocaust memorial?
• Ron Jeremy is in critical condition after being hospitalized for a heart aneurysm.
• Sexy texts to send to your man, remixed.
• Christoph Waltz will host SNL on February 16. Don’t mess this one up, SNL. Don’t. Mess. It. Up.
• Tweets by Grover, for all of the precocious 4-year-olds who keep an eye on the hashtags that are crucially relevant to their lives (#cnnmoney #NASDAQ #thepotty).
• It’s Pilot Watch 2013, including a drama based on the Big Thunder Mountain ride at Disneyland. If you’re a person who “hates television” but reads media blogs anyway, can I interest you in the comparatively dry J.D. Salinger documentary distributor watch? No? OK. You know where to stuff that New Yorker.
• It’s the Time of the Season for mass layoffs.
• This awful and uncomfortable bill would require Tennessee teachers to out their students to their parents and suggests prescribing counseling that sounds ominously like conversion therapy.
• Mark Wahlberg on the (now green-lit) Entourage movie: “I think people always wanted [it] and have complained that the episodes are too short — they’ve always wanted more [Entourage].” Any major douche will tell you that he or she agrees.
• Your ugliest hour was earlier this afternoon. Might want to look into accessorizing with a tail that wags along with your fluctuating brain waves to distract from your hideousness before bedraggled o’clock next hump day.