Since a South Park episode dedicated to reminding us about Alec Baldwin’s homosexuality-unfriendly tweet-spree back in June might have felt a little forced, the show instead anchored its Season 17 premiere to a gag that put us in mind of “HUMANCENTiPAD,” “Make Love, Not Warcraft,” and “Guitar Queer-O” — episodes we’re always grateful to reflect on. Throw in Bill Hader impersonating Baldwin and, well, where do we sign up for Shitter?

• Drake’s hourlong #CRWN/Myspace interview from NYU is online. Part one; part two; part Rembert Browne.
• Jon Hamm visited Jimmy Kimmel and cleared things up about that alien destroying his throat.
• Breaking Bad as Choose Your Own Adventure books. Escape From the Neo-Nazi Pit is a multigenerational childhood favorite.
• Spin did an oral history of Adam Sandler’s 1993 album They’re All Gonna Laugh at You! “If someone was gonna blow some farts, we’d think about how much time there should be between farts and the kind of fart it should be. We took it seriously. Sadly.”
• American Horror Story’s Season 3 opening title sequence will give you nightmares. Not because it’s horrifying and glitchy and ominous like the previous two, but because it reminds you that Kathy Bates joined the cast.
• At a two-for-one reading, Owen King asked his dad some questions out of an old Stephen King trivia book.
• Laura Fraser, actress behind BrBa’s Lydia Rodarte-Quayle: “To play someone that disgustingly irritating is hysterical.”
• David Yates wants Christoph Waltz as Tarzan’s villain. (PS: David Yates is making a Tarzan movie.)
• James Joyce’s impossibly dirty letters put your sexiest sexts to shame.
• Less than 48 hours before the James Franco–directed As I Lay Dying was set to hit theaters, it got pushed back to November and relegated to VOD/DVD-only status. Good luck with that Cormac McCarthy adaption about necrophilia — that one will be the blockbuster.
• Vice saw the Anna Nicole Smith opera — didn’t love it, per se.
• And Boardwalk Empire got a fifth season.