Andrew Lloyd Webber’s got the rights to School of Rock the musical. Meanwhile, Jack Black got roasted at the Friars Club for three hours, during which time he was called fat, a gnome, a chubby lesbian, and instructed (graphically) by Ron Burgundy to go fuck himself. Maybe he’ll get the chance to take that pain with him to Broadway.

• Marvel’s S.H.I.E.L.D. now has a longer title and updated press release. 
• Annette Funicello has died of complications associated with multiple sclerosis. She was 70. R.I.P., our pineapple princess.
• Giant Veep head creeps on Washington.
• Chvrches does a casual cover of the Game of Thrones theme.
• Bates Motel gets a second season.
• Walt Jr.’s all growns up and he’s all growns up.
• Nielsen ratings are mostly boring, except when they’re not.
• “I’m suing every blog saying that I was kicked out of gymnastics.”
• Todd Field (Little Children, In the Bedroom) is set to direct Beautiful Ruins.
• Matthew Weiner’s spoilerphobia examined, plus Mad Men‘s affinity for ’90s stars.
• Ooooooh, secret 1972 all-female study on the effects of marijuana: “We were there to do a job and that’s what we did. In the face of being, you know, impaired most of the time.”
• Grindr fine art.