Ryan Murphy and Jason Blum are taking on a remake of The Town That Dreaded Sundown, which surprisingly has nothing to do with sundown towns. Or a cover-song thief who comes in the night and yoinks your version of “Baby Got Back”: Singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton joins the list of unhappy Glee cover-song-stealing victims. At least Murphy will be empowering women by casting one as American Horror Story’s next “enigmatic” villain and catering to Jessica Lange’s every fabulous whim (“the best designer gowns ever made”).

• The Manti Te’o hoax “mastermind,” Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (are you still a mastermind if you get caught?), auditioned for The Voice, telling producers that he’d been in a car accident on the way to a youth conference. If you’re lying, why not diversify? Why not just tell them that you’d all fallen into Murder Lake and battled zombified sea monsters until a pod of purple dolphins swam by to carry you to safety on their backs? Recycling lies is way pedestrian. You have to diversify.
• This is like watching your computer throw up.
• The scat man has been sentenced to 48 months in jail. “The jury stated that Ira’s work had no ‘literary, artistic, political or scientific value.’ Well, yeah, no shit.”
• Brian Wilson has prepared a “full tub of buttered popcorn” in anticipation of seeing Paul Dano play him in Bill Pohlad’s upcoming biopic Love and Mercy.
• A brief history of televised celebrity confessions.
• Are you a sassy robot? Here’s your new job.
• Now you can spot the smallest frontal lobe at the party.
• We The Petition-Happy. I still think that the state of Herp-a-Derp should be allowed to secede. Hey, “Hathahaters!” You only need 100,000 signatures to get the White House to zap her with a Death Star!