Michael Arndt’s first day of writing Star Wars: Episode VII features some serious real talk: revisiting Toy Story 3, getting food delivered with a side of therapy, and making the blub-blub lip noise. The only difference between the creative process of a genius and the creative process of an idiot is that a genius puts his cup of liquid on a side table instead of directly next to his laptop.

• Vivid bought Farrah Abraham’s sex tape from the Teen Mom star (and her dad and toddler, which provides me with endless douche chills) for almost a million dollars.
• Steven Soderbergh tweets a novella from the literary handle @bitchuation: “But now there’s a new definition of permanent, and the same page is something for everyone to get off of.”
• Ronnie Ortiz-Magro’s promotional tour for Smush Cocktails was interrupted by kidney stones.
• Then we tried to name our babies, but we forgot all the names we used to know.
• Sarah Silverman gets her first HBO special.
• Here, enjoy these bootlegs of the Replacements’ live performances.
• Gabourey Sidibe joins the cast of American Horror Story: Coven. This next installment of AHS will “feature three characters playing real people,” including new cast member Kathy Bates.
• Maybe don’t get the person you just fired to write a public explanation of why he or she got canned.
• Listen to She & Him’s new album on NPR before it starts selling you iPhones.
• Young Martha Stewart models hooded print jumpsuits, barrettes, ravens, and baby cows.
• Michael Fassbender may be taking on Macbeth in a film directed by Justin Kurzel.
• Studies show that sufferers of resting bitch face syndrome experience peak symptoms on Mondays. One day, we will find a cure.