Jon Stewart is taking a 12-week hiatus from his Daily Show desk to direct Rosewater, a feature-film adaptation of Maziar Bahari‘s Then They Came for Me. Stewart wrote the script, then “quietly optioned the book through his Busboy Productions banner” like the sneaky overachiever that he is. John Oliver will take over hosting during Stewart’s absence. In a 2009 appearance on The Daily Show, Bahari joked (well, half-joked) to Stewart that he was imprisoned for 118 days in Iran “because of you.”

• Janky just got more janky. Related: It’s time to start writing novelty songs so you can take a 12-week hiatus to work with Diplo, 2 Chainz, and Tyga on the remix.
• You, sir! Do not be cavalier about the theater, sir! There is a “mythical shine” to the golden stage! Even the “eerie call” of a Moose Murderer in heat is highbrow brilliance compared to the screen onto which you project your facetious silliness!
• Taylor Swift, who lives in a “Tim Burton–Alice in Wonderland–pirate ship–Peter Pan” lavender lemonade love prison, is no ho. If you make a ho ha-ha at her expense, she will send her Swifty demons to spirit you away to the ladies’ room in hell, where you will always have your period.
• Everything looks better in Steadicam.
• The Hold Steady will be performing a song for Game of Thrones called “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” Sample lyrics: “A bear there was/a bear, A BEAR!/All black and brown/And covered with hair!” Diplo? You hear this??
• “Yet as the natural order always seeks balance, an era of impatience demands a corrective. More and more, it seems, people are seeking permanence from art both as a reaction and remedy to the anxiety imbedded in our culture of impermanence.”
• STFU, Ikea. ST. FU.
• Whitney Houston’s crazy pen pal and an extortion plot, because posthumous FBI files are always so uplifting.
• Gummy Real Dolls.
• “It’s just these privileged white people (and I mean, they’re ALL white) living their lives in New York. The only non-white characters are wacky immigrant cab drivers and soup vendors. Oh, hilarious: They can’t speak English well — what’s so groundbreaking about that?”
• Super Smash Kittens breathing fire on a velvet sofa.