Big Boi (Daddy Fat Sax if you’re nasty), reads How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Season’s skeetings!

• Darren Aronofsky tweeted that he’ll be embarking on a Mayan holiday, where I’m sure plenty of good end-of-the-world parties will be available if you can’t afford to go to Moscow. Good luck getting that flaming serpent past airport security if we all make it to December 22. In other end-of-days news: More than 30 schools in Michigan have closed two days early, citing the combination of the Newtown tragedy and the impending apocalypse as the reason; this is the only gadget you’ll need to be looked to as a guru when we’re wandering around the scorched ruins of Earth; Putin extends the warranty of the world’s reactor by 4.5 billion years, and the authorities would rather you not attempt to climb into the alien spaceship that will be emerging from the “mystical hill” of Bugarach.

• Maybe there will be time enough at last to watch every movie set in the future; if not, here’s a bite-size collection brought to you by the anti-tourism board of tomorrow.

• I think it’s a pretty good rule of thumb that if you need a translator to understand the question posed to you during the Miss Universe pageant, you might want to hang on to him or her to decode your answer as well. Even if that means that your best answer is that we wait for it.

• Stop the presses! Claire Danes’s baby has been born and his name is Cyrus. Are you going to be OK? Do you need to sit down?

• Amazon officially orders six sitcom pilots for its “Amazon Studios” division, with contributions from David Javerbaum, Kristen Schaal, Doonesbury’s Garry Trudeau, and “three guys Amazon found via its open call for submissions.” Web audience feedback will factor into whether or not these puppies get picked up, so hopefully those three guys have a lot of Facebook friends between them.

• The League has been renewed for a fifth season, and so I continue to wait for the fantasy draft reality show entitled A League of Your Own.

• Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton has been working the night shift for the past year as an escort: “The actual events of the ex-Olympian’s past year already seem like the fever dreams of a Lifetime producer who decided to adapt Luis Bunuel’s Belle de Jour for basic cable.”

• Diddy and Usher used to wrestle over Frosted Flakes “before pause was invented.” Now that pause has been invented, my brain has frozen this image for all time.