This weekend, Hulu presents you with all of the Criterion Collection’s streaming titles for free. I assume Obama did this to celebrate President’s Day. THANX OBAMA! Going to go watch The Blob now and write poems about the metaphor of the penny.

• Kirstie Alley and Michael Richards will appear on TV Land’s Kirstie’s New Show. But I’d rather be a fly on the craft service table to see what kind of ego clashing goes down on the set of the movie formerly known as American Bullshit with David O. Russell and Christian Bale.
• Someone (IFC) finally adopts the poor, grubby orphan that is The Canyons.
• Kindle, Kuche, Kirche: Amazon employed neo-Nazi security guards who allegedly “frisked to check they had not walked away with breakfast rolls” and used intimidation to parole the accommodations of foreign factory workers.
• That’s So Raven’s Rondell Sheridan was a Dornerganger. “Rondell says the confusion got so bad, people notified him about an ‘RIP Chris Dorner’ Facebook page that mistakenly featured the actor’s photo.”
• Look out for spaceballs.
• Toilet Time … pro. PRO! “Look back at your toilet usage habits so you can see your progression from a lollygagging leaker who takes his or her sweet time on the toilet to a expert excreter who makes trips to the toilet faster than Superman on crack.” :( :( :(
• Why do we hate the term “panties”? Basically: “infantilizing” + over-sexualization = the image of a tiny newborn wearing a thong. SOLVED IT.
• “Roadrunner” campaigns for MA state song, all the way to the government center.
• Cool diorama, bro.
• What’s the difference between the poop cruise and Hurricane Katrina? “Katrina was a major devastation. We’re on a freaking cruise ship.”
• Special Agent Dale Cooper does the Harlem Shake.
• Jesse Jackson Jr.’s misused campaign funds were spent on fur capes, among other things. But who cares about the other things when you’ve got FUR CAPES?