Posts by Ian Cohen
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![Matt Barkley]()
Hey, Jadeveon Clowney: Here Are Five College Football Stars Who Should Have Taken a Year Off
As a 32-year-old, 5-foot-6 Jewish guy from Philadelphia who has been rocking a buzzcut for the entire 21st century, I think it goes without saying that I relate to Kentucky’s flat-topped phenom Nerlens Noel in a multitude of ways. The most pertinent being that sometime around Valentine’s Day during our respective freshman years of college, […]
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The Weirdest Life Choices Made on College Football Signing Day
Yesterday, in a glimpse into the inner sanctum of the reigning NBA champs, LeBron James tweeted about how Ole Miss became the story of Signing Day — no mean feat considering the sagas of Reuben Foster and Alex Collins — and probably violated some arcane NCAA recruiting violation by having an opinion on the subject. […]
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![Louisville]()
The Season-End College Football Misery Index
Whether it’s the BCS poll, the Oscar nominations, or the Village Voice’s Pazz & Jop albums list, year-end lists reduce an array of highs, lows, hints, rumors, allegations, and things left unsaid into a simplified fiction that lies to our children and our children’s children by insinuating, “Hey, everything was great!” when the truth is, […]
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![Mark Mangino]()
OKCoach: Dating Profiles for the College Football Coaching Carousel
If you believe December to be a month defined by its commercialist ideals — and really, there’s no other way — the dominant message is that your previous 11 months can be judged by the state of your relationship. And viewed through the lens of a moderately priced piece of Zales jewelry, there essentially are […]
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![Flight]()
College Football Misery Index: We’re Gonna Roll It
“This plane is definitely crashing!!!!” That is not the tagline for Flight, though it’d be cooler if it were. It’s actually a lyric from Modest Mouse’s “Shit Luck.” Even if that’s still a little too outré for Robert Zemeckis, you’d figure they’d use it anyway considering how far the movie goes to make everything else […]
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![Iowa State]()
College Football Misery Index 4: Iowa State, Kentucky, and Illinois
Let’s overlook the dearth of tremendous, season-altering upsets and what is almost certainly the least-compelling batch of Heisman candidates of the past several years. College football has seasonal affective disorder. Just something about the sun going down at damn near 5 p.m. causes a profound sadness that nothing can cure, not even the ability to […]
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![Stanford]()
College Football Misery Index 3: Auburn, Cal, and the Office Space of West Virginia
It’s best to start out by reiterating a point made in our first installment of the College Football Misery Index: it’s the national pastime because no other sport has an economic and cultural stratification that more accurately reflects the American populace. This rings even more true as the college football season hits the midway point, […]
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![UCLA]()
The College Football Misery Index 2: UCLA, Georgia, TCU, and Finding a Better Man
It was all good just two weeks ago — West Virginia 70, Baylor 63. Georgia 51, Tennessee 44. Texas 41, Oklahoma State 36. Miami 44, North Carolina State 37. Unexpectedly close wins by Louisville, Boise State, and Oregon State; Washington and Cincinnati pulling late stunners; the MAC going full-blown Arena Football. It was college football […]
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The College Football Misery Index
The NFL embodies the sort of idealized America that only exists when presidential candidates start to get a little teary-eyed about the promise of our forefathers. Every team starts with basically an equal chance of fulfilling the American Dream (read: annual trip to Disneyland), and if they fail to do so on a yearly basis, […]
