• Matt Harrison – He gets cryogenically frozen sometimes.
• Derek Holland – His nickname is “Dutch Oven”
• Colby Lewis – He broke a barrier of some kind by being the first player to take paternity leave.
• C.J. Wilson – No longer feuding with Lance Berkman.
• Mike Napoli – Attempted to resolve his defensive deficiencies by getting a bigger glove.
• Michael Young – I’m pretty sure he rescinded his pre-season trade demands to avoid disappointing this 3-year-old.
• Adrian Beltre – Is a two-time Gold Glove winner.
• Elvis Andrus – Said of Derek Holland’s mustache, “It is ugly and the worst ever.”
• Endy Chavez – Has a brother named Ender Chavez.
• Josh Hamilton – Has “Hambone” tattooed on his left arm.
• Nelson Cruz – He got his nickname, “Boom Stick” from a video game ad.

Jordan Carr runs the blog Better than Voodoo while trying to make it as a screenwriter in Los Angeles. Follow him on Twitter at @btvoodoo.

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