1. Tom Brady continues decade-long practical joke

I’ve thought this before, but now I’m convinced — Tom Brady is messing with us. Brady’s latest magazine shoot, this one for VMAN magazine, features the Pats quarterback both fighting a Doberman and wearing a dog collar. The goat? Fine. Huge Uggs billboards? Whatever. The collar is where I draw a line in the sand. There is no other explanation for this other than Brady seeing exactly how much he can get away with. He is A-Rod’s self-awareness anti-matter. And I, for one, am fed up with the public, blanketed trolling. I can only imagine the yuck-it-up sessions he and Belichick have over this shit.

2. In least surprising news ever, fast, versatile weapon signs with Patriots

As long as we’re talking about Belichick yucking it up, we might as well touch on the news that Olympian and former Florida star Jeff Demps has reportedly signed with the Patriots. Treating this like a foregone conclusion from the moment Demps stated his intention to play in the league might have been considered irresponsible journalism, but it probably would have saved us all some time. This is a team where wide receivers play corner, defensive players only kinda sorta have positions, and Tom Brady plays quarterback. Aside from New Orleans (which already has its own do-it-all space player), there’s probably no better destination in football for Demps. The question now, and what I’m certainly looking forward to, is just how the Pats coaching staff plans to use him.

3. Dwayne Bowe signs franchise tender, reminds us all that he was holding out

The news that Dwayne Bowe finally signed his franchise tender with the Kansas City Chiefs has me feeling kind of bad for Dwayne Bowe. Aside from Chiefs fans and people who have fantasy drafts in the next two days, was anyone aware that Bowe was holding out? It’s got to be tough when your holdout is the third-most talked about contract dispute in your own conference.

Seriously, though, among players searching for big long-term deals, Bowe’s 2012 should be particularly interesting. There have been times in his first five seasons (most notably during that ridiculous seven-game run in 2010) where Bowe has shown he can play at an elite level. There have been others where he simply disappears. The quarterback play in Kansas City has been anything but consistent since Bowe was drafted in 2007, but the reality is that Bowe, a guy who’s never caught more than 90 passes and has topped seven touchdowns just once, seems to be looking for game-breaker money. It certainly might have been a negotiation tactic, but at times this offseason, it looked as if the Chiefs were willing to move forward with Jon Baldwin and whatever else they had on the outside. It’ll be up to Bowe to make us realize how silly that might have been.