Video on Demand Report: Impossible Missions, Deadly Break Dancing, and Michael Fassbender’s Hypnotic … Charisma

The Headliner

Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

Names of every Tom Cruise character: Ethan Hunt (four times), Stacee Jaxx, Roy Miller, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, Les Grossman, Senator Jasper Irving, Ray Ferrier, Vincent, Nathan Algren, Chief John Anderson, David Aames, Frank T.J. Mackey, Dr. William “Bill” Harford, Jerry Maguire, Lestat de Lioncourt, Mitch McDeere, Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee, Joseph Donnelly, Cole Trickle, Ron Kovic, Charlie Babbitt, Jack (named Jack in three different films), Brian Flanagan, Vincent Lauria, Maverick, Stefen Djordjevic, Joel Goodsen, Steve Randle, Cadet Captain David Shawn, Billy, Woody. IMDb currently lists Cruise’s next film as Top Gun 2 — so stay tuned on more info about that.

New and Notable

Like a Lion

Doc about pro skier Tanner Hall, who appears to be the Kenny Powers of skiing. Pull quote: “Like I had a robotic machine in my brain working from outer space telling me to just voom voom voom.” So many Oakley shades, neck tats, and trucker hats. Tastes like a Red Bull slushie.

Crew 2 Crew

A break-dancing drama where the director has made the choice to shoot it all with ’90s-style green-blue filters, making me think the lead breaker is going to turn out to be a serial killer who murders people using deadly power windmills.

Shame

You won’t know exactly why it’s called Shame until you’re watching clips of the sex scenes at 4 a.m. on a Michael Fassbender fan Tumblr.

Jesus Henry Christ

If artisanal Brooklyn were a movie, this would be it. Twee indie film signifiers include: annoyingly precocious children, a trail of Post-It notes with secret messages on them, Salingeresque character names, an oversaturated color palette, and Toni Collette.

Seducing Mr. Perfect

Korean romantic comedy starring superbabe Daniel Henney as the object of Uhm Jung-hwa’s affections. Lots of rom-com cliches: She works at a magazine! He’s her hot new boss! She’s cute but clumsy and unlucky in love! She accepts a seduction-based dare! He sings a song about how she is “haughty like a cat”! They hold sparklers by a bridge! I will clearly watch this!

Playback

A horror movie about the fear of haunted outdated media formats. It’s still weird to see Christian Slater in teen movies playing a grown-up. Pump up the VHS tracking lines.

House of Steinbrenner

The 30 for 30 documentary about Yankees owner/lightning rod/bully/Seinfeld character George Steinbrenner passing off the franchise to his son Hal. Henry V with more baseball.

Heroes

Bollywood Top Gun. Two film students set out to make an antiwar protest movie about the army but ultimately end up respecting military service so much they join up. Just like Top Gun, there’s lots of orange sunsets, scenic motorcycle rides, and romantic sexual tension.

Sleepless Night

French drug heist action movie about a coke deal gone miserably wrong with the requisite chase scene through a crowded nightclub.

“In Theaters” VOD Pick

The Flaw

A documentary about the credit bubble and the ensuing financial crisis that turned the economy into the disaster it is today. “This film goes to the roots of the forces which caused America and the U.K. to be gripped by the crazy belief that everyone could be rich and property prices would rise forever.” Depressing but important.

Weird Indie of the Week

Love Kill Kill

An erotic comedy about crossed wires between an office worker with a secret porn addiction, a truant high school student, an unemployed babe, and a guy who grows magic mushrooms who end up at a “complicated group sex party.” Looks really gorgeous and cool.

Early VOD Premiere of the Week

Death of a Superhero

A German drama based on a New Zealand novel starring English actors about a terminally ill teenager played by the little kid from Love, Actually who is desperate to get laid before he dies. He seeks the advice of a psychiatrist played by Gollum.

Masochist’s Choice

Robotropolis

Westworld without the Old West trappings. The CGI is something out of a particularly vivid and strange nap dream.

Filed Under: Michael Fassbender, Tom Cruise, Video On Demand, VOD OCD

Molly Lambert is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ mollylambert

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