Perhaps it’s a bit of a lowest-common-denominator hack move for me to joke that the 99% of Tyler Perry’s fans have decided to Occupy his blog in protest of casting Kim Kardashian in his new film “The Marriage Counselor”. I prefer to call it an homage. Alas, the perfectly ironic frosting on what figures to be another cinematic shit sandwich is not as sweet as we’d hoped since the recent divorcée is not slated to play the title role.

Still, Tyler felt compelled to write an 830-word play defending it all. It starts with him acknowledging the comments and emails, then smash-cut to Perry in a Mexican restaurant being accosted by a cute old woman who doesn’t know how to pronounce Kardashian (KAR-DAT- CHA-NEM). She demands an explanation for the atrocity that is Kim Kar-Dat-Cha-Nem. He explains the plot of the movie to her — which, spoiler alert: a young black woman from Virginia who was raised in the church runs into relationship problems en route to fulfilling her dream of being a Marriage Counselor — and then re-reads his script (!) and realizes the youth (“ESPECIALLY THE YOUTH!!”) need to see this film. And so:

“About two months ago, long before I even heard about Kim’s marriage or divorce, I was trying to finish up the casting. I said to one of my producers, ‘Who else is out there that young people are looking up to?’ One of my producers showed me pictures that his daughter had taken of several hundred kids lined up around the corner to get into a Kardashian store. They wanted to meet Kim. I thought, what better person! She literally has millions of young people following her.”

Which is likely the sort of logic that keeps the Academy awkwardly looking the other way, but maintains his power ranking as the lead money maker in show business. Because casting based on one’s skills as an actor is so meh, so old news, so utterly unappealing to young folks today.

So, not that he needs it, but here are three suggestions:

1. Might we suggest Tim Tebow for one of the male roles? Especially one of the roles currently slated for Perry himself. (No one is less qualified as an actor, but totally in sync with Perry’s brand of in-your-face Christian values.) Also, Tebowing is very popular with the youth of 2011 and automatically creates the opportunity for a funny set piece.

2. To truly take advantage of Kim Kardashian’s casting, and to alert the fanbase that there is much more behind this selection than exploitation of the J-Lo of Paris Hiltons, the film absolutely must be shot in 3D.

3. While we’re at it, Kim Kardashian’s booty should get to dress up and play another character. Like maybe Madea’s overweight sister (or brother)?