What kind of abhorrent behavior will Justin Bieber fans tolerate from their downy-faced, monkey-hoarding Messiah? Jimmy Kimmel dispatched his Lie Witness News team to Staples Center to expose the unquestioning depths of their Bieber-worship. As it turns out, they will forgive any alleged transgression. Urinating on the flag? Probably just a joke. Socking his grandmother in the breadbasket over a game of cribbage? Victim of circumstance. Tattoo of a cat’s b-hole over his belly button? Kind of sexy, truth be told. (They’re not wrong about that one. The cat is wearing a crown. Power is always sexy.)

We can laugh all we want at their blind devotion, but a sobering truth remains: We are merely one swaggy temper tantrum away from a millions-tweens-strong Biebs Army being commanded to rise up to kill us all. With that kind of intoxicating power at his disposal, no wonder he’s running around punching grandmas in the stomach. He’s one ornate crossbow away from King Joffrey territory.