Freak Show & Tell: Violent Brats, Shingles, and Monstrous In-Laws

Every week, television documentaries present us with so many unusual people, with so many strange and/or disturbing problems, you might find it hard to keep up with all of them. That’s where I come in! Here’s an unflinching look back at TV’s Week in Freak Shows.

Pregnant in Heels (Bravo)

Who Is This Now? Jessica and Carlo.

Why Are We Watching Them? They’re about to have their third child, but their first-born, Leah, is so unprepared that they’ve sought the assistance of Maternity Concierge Rosie Pope.

How Did They Get Here? Based on the televised evidence, Leah has never experienced discipline of any kind. She’s spoiled, violent with her little brother, and still doesn’t sleep through the night in her own room even though she’s 6 years old.

What’s the Grossest Thing We See? Carlo and Jessica’s resistant, extremely belated attempts to sleep-train Leah are pretty grim (again: She’s 6), but the grossest thing we see is the décor of Jessica and Carlo’s custom Staten Island home. Let me sum it up: Reno hotel/casino circa 1981.

What Have We Learned? Super-nanny Jo Frost, you may not have a TV series in this country anymore, but your legacy lives on.

Embarrassing Bodies (DFH)

Who Is This Now? Donna.

Why Are We Watching Her? She needs roving doctor Pixie McKenna to check out her scabby rash for her.

How Did She Get Here? She has shingles, a reactivation of the virus that causes chicken pox.

What’s the Grossest Thing We See? Donna’s getting over her shingles, so her scabs are not so bad. So just to make sure we’re all good and disgusted, the EB producers goose her segment with some glamour shots of other shingles sufferers.

What Have We Learned? You can’t catch shingles, but you can get chicken pox from someone who has shingles if you’ve never had chicken pox yourself. Now those pox parties don’t seem like such a bad idea, right? Just kidding — of course they are.

Monster In-Laws (A&E)

Who Is This Now? Steve, Fallon, and Fallon’s mother, Khalood.

Why Are We Watching Them? Khalood hates Steve — or, as she calls him, “Dummy Steve” or just “Dumbass” — which obviously causes friction between the newlyweds, particularly as she actively campaigns for Fallon and Steve to annul the marriage.

How Did They Get Here? Khalood’s dislike for Steve is longstanding; the trio were already on Monster In-Laws last season. Since then, Fallon has accepted a job in her native Michigan, and she and Steve have moved in with Khalood.

What’s the Grossest Thing We See? Khalood says that Fallon’s recent miscarriage is evidence that God doesn’t want Steve and Fallon to remain married. No kidding, this is something Khalood says to Fallon’s face, in front of Steve, therapist Mel Robbins, and the cameras recording all of this for broadcast to America. (In a separate interview, Khalood adds, “I knew that Fallon had a miscarriage. I felt like God answered my prayer, because Steven is not the right guy for her.”)

What’s the Second-Grossest Thing We See? Khalood has a Chihuahua that she dresses up in a succession of frilly dog frocks.

What Have We Learned? If an unrelenting bitch like Khalood can raise a doormat like Fallon, I guess ball-breaking skips a generation.

Tara Ariano is great at sleeping.

Filed Under: Embarrassing Bodies, Monster In-Laws, Pregnant In Heels, The Lunatic Channels