Everything is coming up Franco. The laughter from last night’s Comedy Central–sponsored Night of 1,000 Francos hasn’t yet stopped ringing in the heads of hungover Francophiles, and already his Spring Breakers publicity team has scrambled the For Your Consideration jets and told The Hollywood Reporter that a full-court awards-season press is on its way. Look upon Franco’s Oscar shit and despair, every other person not winning that Best Supporting Actor statue this year:

Contents of Alien’s For Your Consideration Gift Bag:

• Shorts (every fucking color)
• Designer T-shirts
• Gold bullets (for motherfuckin’ VAMPIRES)
• Scarface (on repeat)
• Calvin Klein “Escape” (50 percent mixture with Calvin Klein “Be”)
• Blue Kool-Aid
• Nunchakus
• Shurikens (different flavors)
• Sais
• Coupon for one (1) poolside performance of the Britney Spears song of the Academy voter’s choice (must provide own white piano)
• Dark tanning oil
• The American Dream

See you at the podium, Franco.