SXSW rejects The Canyons, following suit with Sundance. Just in case it wasn’t clear enough that they didn’t like the film, an “insider” opined that “it’s got an ugliness and deadness to it.” Hey. At least we got this out of the deal. It’s like Argo! Fake movies made exclusively for the purpose of begetting other, greater things! And everyone was held hostage by Lindsay Lohan! I could keep going! Actually, no, I couldn’t.

• As we’ve previously discussed, Season 6 of Mad Men begins April 7, which is just far enough away to accommodate several new native advertising disasters and the retraction casualties that stem from a constant push for more content. What would Roger Sterling do? Yesterday, Salon joined The Atlantic in issuing a formal retraction on its site; though the pulled article wasn’t an advertorial wearing a fancy tie and pacing back and forth pretending to be Mr. Actual Editorial Content, in both instances the gaffe may have stemmed from “[going] up without enough eyeballs.” We need more eyeballs. This has always been a major problem.

• You’re a wanted man, Charlie Brown.

• An imaginary McEpcot Center in Times Square would finally allow you to sample Germany’s “Big Xtra Brazil” and Europe’s “Grilled Texas Bagel” (not to mention the exotic broccoli-cheese nuggets and chicken porridge from far-flung Golden Arches).

• “ME WRITE REVIEWS, ME WANT FREE FOOD”: the ReviewerCard is taken to task.

• The Puppy Bowl + tiny pink berets = I am going to become like Megan from Bridesmaids. See you at the dog park, bitches.

• Actual Facebook Graph Searches include “Current employers of people who like racism” and “mothers of Catholics from Italy who like Durex.” This is why beta testing was invented.

• Just got back from a bid upstate for disrespecting myself with my pants.

• The soundtrack of American Horror Story.

• So, you should hit the bar right after getting your flu shot? Synthetic immune system chemicals added to perfume may help lure your most biologically compatible partner.

• THQ dissolves. Man. You know what? I think I can pinpoint the moment when everything started to go south for video games. Lana was casting hexes! This explains so much.