It’s been a pretty sad day for our treasured youth. Paris Jackson was taken to the hospital following a reported suicide attempt that may have stemmed from being denied the honor of attending a Marilyn Manson concert; meanwhile, Bobbi Kristina Brown was evicted following months of noise complaints and left behind this note for her former neighbors. The handwritten missive had TEETH, y’all: “You were honored to have us living above you,” “I pray your misery doesn’t rub off on your innocent little baby,” and “You are shit at the bottom of our shoe.” I guess it’s pretty decent to go the flat-out aggressive route, however. She could have just rubbed poison ivy on their doorknob.

• Bruce Jenner hijacked Jimmy Fallon to defend the honor of his face.
• Evangeline Lilly as a lowly elf in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.
• A video game about troubled relationships, set to Joy Division. Escapism is dead.
• Please don’t fuck this up, J.J.
• Sundance Selects has yoinked Roman Polanski’s Venus in Fur.
• “Here’s Don, forlornly pouring himself a drink in an apartment he clearly believes is empty. Why would he believe it’s empty? Because Megan is already dead. There’s no one in the house. He’s alone with nothing but scotch and his thoughts.”
• OoOoO, IFC’s star-studded miniseries The Spoils of Babylon now has a teaser.
• Game of cones.
• Tiny monkey fossil: Come for the silly artist’s rendering, stay for the important (?) evolutionary information.
• It’s hard to pick a favorite, but if I had to choose I’d go with Old Man Frontbutt.