In the new teaser for the final season of Breaking Bad, Bryan Cranston’s Walter White recites Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Ozymandias.” Go bleak or go home, that’s the dusty desert way. The new season premieres on August 11, so you have just enough time to get yourself to a mental place where you won’t kill yourself because of vast landscapes of sand and rock and themes of mortality, evil, and fuckin’ Skyler. Just mainline the pop tunes and think about sea turtles or something. Bank up the giggles. Batten down the ha-has. Cling to “life preserver” Saul Goodman. Maybe drink a lot — that’s the best defense against the “lone and level sands” that lie before us.

• Justin Bieber’s reps claim that the pop star spit that flew onto the heads of onlookers was a conspiracy cooked up by TMZ. It’s likelier that he’s just smoking the Super Skunk OG Lemon Loogie Kush — no shirt, no shoes, no cottonmouth, no problem.
• Katy Perry blings a semi truck, hopes to get Ridley Scott’s attention so he’ll consider her for the role of Rachael in Blade Runner 2. Those two items aren’t related, but how can you ignore a woman with a big golden truck and a head full of dreams? Power moves.
• A new Nine Inch Nails track debuted onstage in South Korea. Enjoy it as best you can in “decent quality fan shot video” form.
• The CW is working on a Flash series from Arrow co-creators/producers Greg Berlanti and Andrew Kreisberg.
• “The Originals isn’t about struggling to be a vampire … but about embracing vampirism. It’s about the power of the family community and the power struggle over the family community and the supernatural community of an entire city … You might look at it like, we graduated high school and went to college, and now they’re getting their master’s degree in The Originals.” — Eagerly awaiting the vampire retirement community series in 2022.
• Additions to the Toronto International Film Festival lineup.
• Jonathan Lisco, Southland producer, gets a deal with AMC. Miss you, Sammy Bryant.
• How two blogs made a platonic love connection between Matt Damon and Benedict Cumberbatch. Awww.
• Time to polish your pitch for an Orange Is the New Black/RHONJ crossover series.
• Who’s going to be the asshole who replies-all to James Blunt’s “UK-wide” spammy e-mail?
• Today’s lessons in customer service: No. 1, Don’t be rude. No. 2, Don’t be rude. No. 3, Ignore all other rules, and just don’t be a rudie for crying out loud, unless you’re doing it rock-steady and you’re willing to part with the extra 15 percent of your check that’s necessary to be considered a human being.
• Shonda Rhimes moves back to the big screen with War Correspondents.
• The Etsy of small things.
• Can’t un-Sea World, sad whale says <:(.
• Little girls be getting their periods.
• Take it away, Emcee BriWi.