The American Idol producers must be very tired. They’ve been retooling ceaselessly for so long that they’re getting glassy-eyed and confused, the latest example being the return of Randy Jackson, who had hardly exited the old warhorse as a judge before reportedly being invited back as a mentor for next season, replacing Jimmy Iovine. TMZ is reporting that AI’s powers that be are attempting to get Scooter Braun onboard (the headline politely reads “American Idol Wants Scooter Braun to Finger Next Kelly Clarkson”), but don’t get your hopes up: Braun, apparently, isn’t eager to take the job because he doesn’t want to get recognized while he’s grocery shopping.

• Joss Whedon takes issue with the ending (or lack thereof) of The Empire Strikes Back, and female empowerment post-Buffy.
• Deadwood’s Garret Dillahunt is cleaning out his office and tweeting old set photos.
• Cheer up, Harrison Ford. Adam McKay will protect your Anchorman 2 footage.
• Lena Dunham Instagrammed a letter she wrote to a sex columnist when she was a 19-year-old virgin. She was advised that she would “have plenty of time in [her] twenties and thirties to sleep with total bozos.” I told you guys Adam was a bozo. Get hip to it.
• Comedy Central has ordered a stand-up series from Dave Attell. “‘When I was first approached for this, I thought someone said “Dave Chappelle,”’ said Comedy Central’s Kent Alterman. ‘I immediately said yes. I love Dave Attell, too, so it’s fine.’”
• Real jail versus Orange jail.
• Bad news for porn enthusiasts.
• Take a look at Nirvana’s original record contract with Sub Pop, with an initial advance of $600.
• Christina Hendricks is set to play a stripper in Dark Places.
• You gotta watch out for the baby of the family. They’re always the most diabolical killers.
• Nice dood, Goog.
• I assume this means Francis Ford Coppola’s onboard with “Ignition (Remix)” winning our bracket.
• “I got in an elevator, and there was a guy who was also auditioning, and I thought: ‘That guy brought a lot of props. I didn’t bring anything.’ And he was looking at me, going, ‘That guy didn’t have to bring any props.’ We were just sizing each other up in the elevator. And that was Andy Samberg.” —Bill Hader, and 21 others, on auditioning for SNL
• Hula-hoop in a gay bar like no one is watching.
• The most beautiful spider in all the world.
• Domonique Newburn, star of the YouTube reality series Hollywood Houseboys, has been found dead.
• Presenting Cinderoncé.
• 2 Chainz spends 9 hours in a tour bus in a standoff with 0 winners.