Tea tweaking on “Breaking Abbey,” the Downton Abbey–Breaking Bad hybrid you never knew you needed until you considered the image of a person snorting a line of Earl Grey. Soon Downton will be “kicking it with mad bitches and Benjamins.”

• More uplifting mash-ups: This Charlie Brown–Louie clip  confirms what many already suspected: Linus has become a depressed hoarder, Peppermint Patty is drowning in cats and suffering from HPV, and Snoopy is dead.
• Hugh Grant is remorseful about his diva attack three years ago on The Daily Show after being called out by Jon Stewart. Grant will be appearing in the third installment of Bridget Jones’s Diary, which is titled Bridget Jones’s Baby and has suffered from “script problems” that delayed production. You know, “script problems”: Producer Tim Bevan compared working on the film to “herding cats.” Time to call in the cowboys.
• Entourage alumni Matt Wolpert and Ben Nedivi are writing a sitcom for ABC based on Justin Bieber’s “awkward teenage years and unorthodox family.” Scooter Braun would executive produce along with Bieber. I think I’ll wait to watch until Season 3, when Scooter Gold (Ben Affleck) revives the hug-it-out.
• Read at your own peril about this man’s experience with a male chastity device: “After my second day wearing the CB-3000 (which, now that I think about it, sounds like an evil castration robot, amirite?) a little bit of steam had collected on the inside, like in a terrarium.”
• Jamie Foxx on race in the December/January issue of Vibe: “’As a black person it’s always racial. I come into this place to do a photo shoot and they got Ritz crackers and cheese — I’ll be like, ain’t this a bitch. Y’all didn’t know black people was coming. What’s with all this white shit? By the same token, if there is fried chicken and watermelon I’ll say ain’t this a bitch? So, no matter what we do as black people it’s always gonna be that.’” Better stick with race-neutral ice cream. Everybody likes that.
• A tiny shelled animal was discovered in the U.K. Its name is Pauline. It looks like a wee exploded piñata.