Posts by Tess Lynch
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Afternoon Links: Unexpected Journeys to Denny’s, Unexpected Cowell-Electra Alliances, and More
Two brave souls take the Denny’s Hobbit-themed menu for a spin, finding that its items “tasted good in a way that only the worst food can.” Carmen Electra and Simon Cowell find each other “adorable.” They have some things in common, I guess.
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Afternoon Links: The Samuel L. Jackson–Anne Hathaway Sad-Off, Lindsay Lohan’s Plumbing Difficulties, and an Expensive Trump Lesson
Nothing says Christmas like slaves and whores! Anne Hathaway and Samuel L. Jackson enter the ring for a very NSFW Sad-Off over cocoa and gingerbread while they deck the halls. If you’re still at work, now might be a good time to lug your desktop into the bathroom and plug it in under the sink, […]
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Afternoon Links: Tim Burton and The Killers, Game of Thrones, and the Pinpocalypse
Tim Burton has directed his second Killers video, “Here With Me” (he also directed “Bones” in 2006). Bonus points for blonde Winona. My favorite part is (obviously) the final scene, in which Gloomy Black-Swaddled Hero and Winona become a pair of bald candle people (or bomb-heads, maybe). Taking inspiration from Mad Love for a Killers […]
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SNL Episode 10: The Return of Martin Short
I love Martin Short, but I was still surprised at how good this weekend’s episode of SNL was. This season has been spotty to say the least, and considering the horrific event that happened one day before the taping, it seemed like the holiday-themed show was destined to be like the last two inches of […]
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Afternoon Links: Downton Abbey Gets Cookin’, Hugh Grant Repents for His Diva Ways
Tea tweaking on “Breaking Abbey,” the Downton Abbey–Breaking Bad hybrid you never knew you needed until you considered the image of a person snorting a line of Earl Grey. Soon Downton will be “kicking it with mad bitches and Benjamins.”
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Afternoon Links: Julian Assange’s Senate Dreams, Matt Damon and Michael Douglas Bare All
There may be a WikiLeaks political party, and Julian Assange plans to run for Senate in 2013. “Mr Assange hopes that WikiLeaks’ internet presence, which includes a Twitter account with nearly 1.7 million followers and a Facebook page with more than 2.1 million “likes”, and the formation of ”friends of WikiLeaks” groups would mobilise Australian supporters,” says the Sydney […]
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American Horror Story Season 2, Episode 9: ‘The Coat Hanger’
It almost seems as though the pro-life Springdale Cleaners of Cincinnati got an advance screener of this week’s American Horror Story. Whether political or just exceedingly envelope-pushy, this episode really hammered the nail of “Hey, missus, what’s cooking in there?” An alien? A future cat-skinner sociopath with silly little mullet wisps? Some immortal somebody-or-other who’s […]
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Afternoon Links: Morrissey on Royal Morning Sickness, a Margo Martindale Reunion, and a McAfee Deportation
Morrissey, leading world authority on morning sickness, blames “the arrogance of the British royals” (not prank-calling DJs) for the suicide of nurse Jacinta Saldanha. “Is it anorexia or is it pregnancy? I mean, morning sickness already?” asks Morrissey, who has neither medical license nor uterus. When you say morning sickness can’t happen now, well, when […]
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Afternoon Links: Tom Cruise’s Ex-Girlfriend Raps, Katie Holmes Double-Fists, and Tarantino Puts Kill Bill to Bed
Former Village Voice editor-in-chief and Scientology-busting enthusiast Tony Ortega shot footage of former Scientologist and producer/musician Titziano Lugli listening along to an anti-Xenu rap. It features Nazanin Boniadi, the actress who once auditioned for the role of Tom Cruise’s girlfriend, singing that the religion is “a blind alley, like Kirstie Alley.” Hmm. Maybe they need […]
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SNL Episode 9: Jamie Foxx Saves Everyone (Except Ne-Yo. No One Could Save Ne-Yo.)
I don’t know where this phrase came from, but along the lines of family nicknames for pacifiers and variations on spaghetti with leftovers in it, I grew up with the line “lose your bones.” It didn’t mean osteoporosis; that would have been sad. It was used as a sort of catchall for a mixture of […]
