Posts by Jenny Johnson

  • How to Be a Reality Star (and Hasten the End of American Civilization)

    With the loads upon loads of reality shows on television, I’ve come to the conclusion that anyone can be a reality “star” — all it takes are a few simple life-altering changes. Thank GOD I’m here to help … TO BE A FEMALE REALITY STAR You’ve got to be batshit crazy. I say this with […]

  • MTV Hearts Pregnant Teens. Too Much.

    In my college years I was a frequent viewer of MTV. Oh, I knew it was stupid, but it was harmless. I could easily get sucked into their youthful programming. I watched Real World like it was my job when I was in college — I loved that shit so much I actually made a […]

  • Hating the Busch Brothers

    The 2012 NASCAR season is officially under way with the running of the Bud Shootout earlier this month and the Gatorade Duels on Thursday night, which set the field for the 54th running of the Daytona 500, an event considered to be the most prestigious race on the NASCAR Cup circuit. Two drivers looking to […]

  • Send Me Flowers Today and I Will Cut You — One Gentlelady’s Take on the Global FTD Conspiracy

    Couples who have been together for a period of time are well aware of the personal rules they have set for each other on Valentine’s Day. My husband and I are no different. If I received flowers at my place of work from him, I would come un-fucking-glued. Sure, flowers are pretty and smell nice, […]

  • Real World

    The Very Special Awfulness of Reality Television

    My first memory of reality television dates back to the early 90’s when MTV first brought us The Real World. The true story of seven strangers, picked to live in a house, work together and have their lives taped, to find out what happens, when people stop being polite and start getting real. Most people […]

  • Fantasy Football? Smantasy Football

    I feel it’s appropriate to talk about fantasy football during the time of year, when so many of us were raised to believe that on Dec. 24, a fat guy in a red suit would break into our homes at night, eat our food, drink our milk and then leave presents under a tree. I’m […]

  • An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian and Chris Brown

    Those of you who follow me on Twitter I’m sure have noticed my sick love of poking fun at celebrities. I am frequently asked why I pick on two celebrities in particular, Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian. More often than not, people ask me why I hate them so much. I felt this would be […]

  • ‘Look At Me!’ A Rant Against Excessive Celebrations

    There is a God-awful part of the already ridiculous film Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise’s character and Cuba Gooding Jr.’s character tearfully hug after Cuba’s character gets hurt making a touchdown catch, comes to, and then dances in the end zone. This part is particularly obnoxious for many reasons. Cuba’s character is an egomaniac who […]

  • In Praise of Derek Jeter’s Love of the Ladies

    One of the sickest qualities human beings possess is the twisted love we have for gossip. We go about our days like normal people, then as soon as we hear about some juicy scandal on TV or internet we turn into our mothers at the check-out line in the grocery store relishing in the latest […]

  • Danica Patrick

    An Open Letter to Danica Patrick

    Dear Danica Patrick, How are you? Me? I’m good. Dealing with a sinus infection, but I’ll be fine. Here’s the deal. I like you. Not in a romantic way, but I’m a fan of car racing. Always have been. Huge fan, actually. I go to two NASCAR races a year and have followed auto racing […]

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