Posts by Tess Lynch
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American Horror Story Season 2, Episode 11: ‘Spilt Milk’
I don’t know that I necessarily agree that American Horror Story: Asylum is paratactic, as Slate recently and somewhat convincingly argued, because after recapping it all season, I’m pretty sure I can connect the threads. It just takes six billion years and a lot of retracing of sadistic torture scenes.
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Afternoon Links: Celebs Read Mean Tweets, Crime-Free L.A., and Rapping Starks
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 3. (See also: No. 2 and No. 1.) • Where will thrill-seekers move now that Los Angeles is the safest big city in America? Maybe this three-bedroom “terrifying place so relaxing”? Or perhaps it’s FINALLY time to gentrify Mars? Real World: Red Planet: Six groups of four strangers with rudimentary […]
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Afternoon Links: Cereal, Cheese, and Crazy Psychics With Firearms
Alex Jones, you so crazy! Why would anyone ever want to take your guns away? While appearing on Piers Morgan’s CNN show Monday night, the psychic radio host and conspiracy theorist (who’s behind the petition to get Morgan deported) defended his Second Amendment rights and melted down like crayon shavings in a hot petri dish: “I’m here to tell you, 1776 […]
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Afternoon Links: Justin Bieber’s Blunt Trauma, Jamie Kennedy’s New Year’s Eve Memories
Justin Bieber tweeted a vague apology after TMZ published photos of him with a “smoldering blunt.” While some fans cast the eye of shade on Bieber’s “BFF” Lil Twist, others are taking this opportunity to air their beliebs that “weed is not the devil” and that Justin has as much right to a Funyun party of one as anyone […]
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Keep Your New Year’s Weight-Loss Resolution With These 10 Weird, Highly Suspect Tricks!
Three seasons ago I freed myself from the prison of watching The Biggest Loser. I have no defense for why I was watching this show, other than the fact that I derived perverse satisfaction from eating dozens of tiny meatballs swimming in gelatinous, fattening gravy (with jam, lingonberry jam, that’s how kinky my Tuesday-night pleasure […]
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Afternoon Links: Donald Glover on Girls, an Overcaffeinated Aniston, and Back to the Future’s Terrible Newspaper
• The second season of Girls begins January 13, which the entire world already knows is also my birthday. As a gift (I assume), Donald Glover has been cast as [SPOILER ALERT] Hannah Horvath’s Republican boyfriend. I love the Childish Gambino! I grant you permission to celebrate my life by watching Dunham’s 2009 web series […]
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Afternoon Links: Hate-Smashing, The Hobbit on Mushrooms, and a Micturating Shirtless Werewolf
Hate-watching, 2012 buzzword and a more fun activity than working in a soup kitchen, has eluded Steven Spielberg, who until recently lived in a cocoon of blissful innocence without the knowledge that people hate-viewed Smash. “I have a choice — I can either watch all the dailies or I can follow the social media. I […]
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American Horror Story Season 2, Episode 10: ‘The Name Game’
Just when you think American Horror Story: Asylum can’t possibly get more Baroque, it shimmies up a gilded spire and tosses a zillion putti at your head until you beg for mercy. We’ve been raped by the devil a lot this season. Our hair is very tousled and we’re all round and gravid with aliens. […]
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Afternoon Links: Jennifer Lawrence’s Crossbow Rampage, Kathy Griffin’s Coop Job
Google’s New Year’s Resolutions map, and its sometimes wonkified translations of those resolutions (“to be overcome in everything, do everything to all!”), attempts to capture the flava of 2013 at its most nascent stage. So far, we want puppies and more money. Will a slew of Ryan Gosling movies suffice?
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Afternoon Links: Big Boi Reads The Grinch, the End of the World, and an Incomprehensible Miss Universe Contestant
Big Boi (Daddy Fat Sax if you’re nasty), reads How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Season’s skeetings! • Darren Aronofsky tweeted that he’ll be embarking on a Mayan holiday, where I’m sure plenty of good end-of-the-world parties will be available if you can’t afford to go to Moscow. Good luck getting that flaming serpent past airport […]
