Trailers of the Week: Chimpanzee, Young Adult, and John Carter

Chimpanzee (April 20)

Browne: If you think you can hold it together during a Disney documentary about a lost orphan chimpanzee, you are wrong. So very wrong. No one is safe from this cry-fest. I’m sort of a mess right now. I have a cocktail of tears and snot all over my face. Silver, please tell me you feel the same way.

Silver: I teared up watching that. And no, I’m not surprised that you did, too.

Newlyweds (January 13)

Silver: It’s a strange thing, to feel a sense of nostalgia while watching a movie trailer. But it’s hard to watch the Newlyweds trailer and not be brought back to the mid-90’s in which there was an onslaught of emo independent films. What’s more, this one’s written and directed by Ed Burns, the lucky S.O.B. who probably benefited the most from the ambush of grainy, garrulous cinematic grenades. So expect plenty of talking, interweaving narratives, marital hardships, hand-held shots, and newsboy hats. I feel like I’ve seen this film a hundred times, but my 17-year-old pre-film-school geek self really wants to see it, like it, and start telling people it’s the new Jules and Jim. But, yeah, that’s probably just the nostalgia talking.

Browne: It reminds me of Friday Night Lights, when Tami’s sister comes to stay with the Taylors for an indefinite amount of time, causing all kinds of family and relationship drama. But a hundred times worse.

Young Adult (December 9)

Browne: The last time Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody worked together it was on 2007’s Juno. I loved Juno. Switch out Ellen Page for Charlize Theron and the end result might be an even better film. Who knows, I might actually pay to see this in the theaters. Young Adult looks awesome. Big ups to Charlize for having a foul mouth.

Silver: She’s so mean! I’m counting the minutes until I can see this Reitman-Cody reunion.

Dark Horse (TBD)

Silver: I’m going to choose to believe that the upbeat music and the cutesy comedic moments in this trailer do not accurately reflect the actual movie. Why? Because of the hundreds of disturbing moments director Todd Solondz has permanently seared into my brain with his previous films, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, and Storytelling. Anyway, the cast here is solid — Christopher Walken (and his toupee), Mia Farrow, Justin Bartha, Donna Murphy, Asif Mandvi, and Solondz’s muse, Selma Blair, who looks comfortable slipping back into a scowl and droopy eyes.

Browne:In this, the second decade of the 21st century, I will not be convinced that one can live with his parents, drive a Yellow Hummer, and convince the girl from Cruel Intentions to marry him. I would rather take a cross-country road trip with just the audiobook of We Bought a Zoo than watch this trailer again.

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (March 2)

Silver: I can’t explain why I find Tim and Eric so funny. I honestly don’t think I get even half their stuff, but it always makes me laugh. I have not idea of what this film is about, and the teaser doesn’t help, but if there’s a cameo by Celery Man, it’ll live up to its title.

Browne: This is what happens when you give Internet people real people money. I can’t wait.

John Carter (March 9)

Silver: I wish I felt more confident about John Carter, but this and the teaser trailer have me a little nervous. The film’s high concept — an American Civil War soldier finds himself on Mars and in the middle of a war between the natives — was clearly a challenge to explain coherently in a two-minute trailer, so what we get is a collage of Avatar-ish, Star Wars-esque visuals (sand-drenched landscapes, hovering air crafts, and tall skinny, odd-looking aliens). But I’m going to focus on the positives here: Andrew Stanton (Wall-E) is behind the camera, Michael Chabon (“The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay”) wrote the script, and Tim Riggins (a.k.a Taylor Kitch), Mark Strong, and Dominic West star.

Browne: Here’s how I see it. The (actual) Civil War was Part 1 in the Riggins trilogy. Friday Night Lights was Part 2. And now John Carter is the final chapter. I could care less about plot, character development, or any other semi-important things. All I know from this trailer is that Riggins will be carrying a sword, often shirtless, his hair will be perfectly Riggins-esque, and I will enjoy this movie. That’s all that really matters. Mars Forever.

Daniel Silver is the Director of Development for ESPN Films. Follow him on Twitter at @Danielsilver11. Rembert Browne is a writer for Grantland. Follow him on Twitter at @RembertManX.

Filed Under: Trailers of the Week, Young Adult

Rembert Browne is a staff writer for Grantland.

Archive @ rembert