As Jim Nantz would say, “Pull up a chair!” It’s time for the Sports Guy’s annual two-part NBA preview, a column so insightful, entertaining and downright inspiring that my editors had no choice but to divvy it up over the span of two days. Here’s one man’s predictions for the Eastern Conference, in reverse order (from worst to first):
15. Chicago Bulls
So what does Bulls GM Jerry Krause have to pull to get fired, anyway? He pushed Pippen, MJ and Phil Jackson out of town before the ’99 season; he hasn’t lured a single marquee free agent in four years; he dropped the ball in the ’00 Draft when he could have packaged some picks for Darius Miles; he swapped a proven 20/10 guy (Elton Brand) for a high schooler this summer; and now we’re in Year One of Rebuilding Program No. 2, which is actually a Rebuilding Program Inside a Rebuilding Program (has that ever been done before?). There hasn’t been a franchise mishandled this egregiously since they turned the “Batman” movie series over to Joel Schumacher.
As for this year’s Bulls team, their only pure scorers are Ron Mercer (the only player in the league who takes 25-30 shots a game and wonders if he’s getting enough touches) and Eddie Robinson (parlayed “Explosive bench player” status for Charlotte into a jaw-dropping $32 million contract, which would have been the worst Bulls contract if Brad Miller wasn’t already on the team). Miller, Greg Anthony and Charles Oakley round out the starting lineup, and I wish I was making that up.
Three potential highlights for Bulls fans: 1) Watching high schoolers Eddy Curry and Tyson Chandler figure out the triangle offense (which should re-define the phrase “high comedy”); 2) the moment when embattled head coach Tim Floyd simply limps off the court during a game, never to return; 3) seeing if Curry and Chandler can break the NBA record for “Most hours spent playing the PlayStation 2 in a hotel room during an 82-game season,” set by Al Harrington and Jon Bender during the ’99-00 season. Good luck, boys.
14. Cleveland Cavaliers
And rookie DeSagana Diop (the 2001 winner of the prestigious Olowakandi Award for “Worst Pick in the NBA Draft”) hasn’t been able to practice during the preseason, because he’s also suffering foot problems. That means the Cavs will employ a Vanilla Thunder combo at center this season: Chris Mihm and Mike Doleac.
As for the rest of the team, the Cavs rely on Andre Miller’s offense a little too much (he’s a poor man’s Michael Ray Richardson, without the coke problem). Tyrone Hill returns to Cleveland for a second tour, after getting undressed by the Lakers and Bucks in the playoffs last spring. There’s a surplus of 6-foot-6 swingman types here: Wesley Person, Bryant Stith, Jumaine Jones, Lamond Murray and Ricky Davis (always a recipe for disaster).
At least new coach John Lucas will keep everyone in a good mood — he’s always good for some butt-slaps and high-fives. In fact, I wish he was here right now to help me get through this column.
13. Detroit Pistons
But then you remember that Stackhouse hoisted roughly 6,500 shots last season to get that 30 a night. Wallace can’t score. Barros shares the fork in his back with Robinson (they pass it back and forth during games). The team doesn’t have any size; even someone like Todd MacCulloch might be able to have his way down low against these guys. And that tandem of Barros and Atkins might be the worst in the league — even the Knicks wouldn’t swap point guards with Detroit. It’s hard to imagine them winning more than 30 games.
(Random thought: It’s been two years since former Pistons center Brian Williams changed his name to Bison Dele, then walked away from a $36 million contract to pursue his business interests in the Middle East, including his desalination complex in Lebanon … and he hasn’t been heard from since. Probably the most surreal NBA moment of the past 20 years and nobody ever discusses it anymore. Can we get a Bison Dele update please? Someone? Anyone?)
12. Washington Wizards
Hey, it won’t be MJ’s fault. If Jordan’s body holds up, he’ll drop in 25-35 a night, wreak his usual havoc defensively and double as the most unstoppable crunch-time force in the league (even professional wrestling referees will be more objective than the NBA referees during Wizards games). There will even be those occasional nights when MJ reclaims “Best Player in the League” status, although he won’t round himself into shape until January at the earliest (he’s still a little bulky, maybe a step slow).
I’m telling you … they’re that bad. During his Bulls days, Jordan was always surrounded by guys who could play defense and at least 1-2 quality rebounders. He doesn’t have that anymore. His two best teammates (Rip Hamilton and Courtney Alexander) are one-dimensional scorers who don’t bring anything else to the table. None of the Washington big men (Christian Laettner, Jahidi White, Kwame Brown) can rebound consistently. And there isn’t a point guard here with Steve Kerr potential (spot-up shooters whom MJ always seems to find). In short, it’s a disaster. It’s a Warren Beatty movie.
So for the Wizards to even reach .500, they need a super-human effort from Jordan every night, a nearly impossible request given his age, the fact that every younger star will be gunning for him and that opponents can double-team him with the new rules. If MJ carries the Wizards to even the eighth playoff spot, that would be one of the most remarkable basketball achievements of his career. Seriously. And I just can’t see it — even if this team had the ’88 version of MJ, I’m not sure they would make the playoffs.
But hey … as long as MJ shows off his fastball and wins an occasional game down the stretch, everyone’s happy. And at least it will be interesting. If Jordan is playing on TV, I’m watching. It’s that simple.
11. Miami Heat
Then there’s the supporting cast: Anthony Mason and Tim Hardaway were shown the door last summer, replaced by a potpourrri of shaky role players (Chris Gatling, LaPhonso Ellis, Anthony Carter, Kendall Gill, Eddie House, Salami, Goldstein, Gomez). Realistically, either Miami plans on getting 65-70 a night from the Not-So-Big Three, or they plan on keeping every game in the 70s (knowing Pat Riley, I wouldn’t put it past him). You know they’re desperate for players when they roll the dice with Rod Strickland. Apparently Plan B was Corey Haim.
They also need at least 225 combined games from the Not-So-Big Three to even think about sneaking into the playoffs. Would you wager on the “over” on that one? Didn’t think so.
(Number of championships Pat Riley has won without Magic and Kareem: Zero. One of my favorite stats in sports. And no, I’m not bitter about the ’87 Finals or anything.)
10. New Jersey Nets
Now we’re getting somewhere. The Nets made the most important deal of the summer, swapping Stephon Marbury for Jason Kidd (a move they had to make when they finally realized that NBA teams can’t succeed if they revolve around a point guard’s offense). You can imagine them getting off to a decent start and Sports Illustrated running a “NO KIDDING AROUND: HERE COME THE NETS!” story in a few weeks.
The supporting cast isn’t brutal: Kerry Kittles, Richard Jefferson, Aaron Williams, even Todd MacCulloch, the Sixers free-agent center who was wildly overpaid — $34 million?!? — but has just enough Mike Gminski in him to make you glad that he signed with the Nets (hey, I finally slipped G-Mo into a column!). And they played pretty hard for Byron Scott last season, even after the season slipped away and everyone started getting hurt.
As a Celtics fan worried about competitors for the eighth playoff spot, I have to admit, the Nets scare me a little. Just a little.
(One potential obstacle for Kidd: He went from Phoenix to New Jersey. Talk about culture shock — you’d hate to see him pull a Willie Burton. Can’t you see him coming out of a timeout during a meaningless January game against the Cavs, looking around the half-empty Meadowlands, remembering that it’s 20 degrees outside and he’s stuck in Jersey … and just starting to sob in front of everyone? I wonder if that would make “Plays of the Week.”)
9. Indiana Pacers
Questions abound: How much does Reggie Miller have left in the tank? Will Jermaine O’Neal ever progress past that “Camby in the ’99 Playoffs” stage and give them a consistent low-post presence offensively? Who was that impostor wearing Austin Croshere’s jersey last season, and has he been thrown in jail yet? Why doesn’t Al Harrington get 35-40 minutes a game?
(Wait, there’s more!)
Does Jalen Rose look surly, uncommunicative and totally un-fun to play with, or is it just me? Will Jonathan Bender be 45 years old and still get mentioned as “up-and-coming”? Why would Jamaal Tinsley start at point for a team with Rose and Travis Best? Doesn’t a crunch-time lineup of Miller, Rose, Harrington, Croshere and O’Neal look splendid on paper? Does Isiah cancel everything out here?
(My prediction: Yes.)
8. Boston Celtics
The C’s finished the season with a 24-24 stretch, and that was without starters Tony Battie and Kenny Anderson (both injured) or any of the three athletic first-rounders they selected in last June’s draft (all of whom should crack the nine-man rotation by January). And any team that features two of the top 25 players in the league (Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker) deserves to be taken seriously, especially when Walker (matured from a summer of hanging in Chicago with MJ) arrived at camp in the best shape of his life. Pierce and Walker should be good for 50-55 a night. No small feat. And Pierce gives them their first legitimate crunch-time guy since Reggie Lewis.
As strange as this sounds, it all depends on Walker, who carries more responsibility than just about any forward in the league — he has to worry about rebounding, guarding the other team’s power forward, handling the ball (the offense mostly runs through him) and taking the scoring burden off Pierce, with the added wrinkle that Boston fans don’t appreciate these things and don’t really like him that much in the first place (there isn’t a more misunderstood guy in the league). But he’s also the undisputed leader of the team, as well as a legitimate 25-10-8 threat every night.
And like C-Webb in Sacramento three years ago, this will be ‘Twan’s breakout season, the year he makes The Leap. You heard it here first. Team him with somebody as gifted as Pierce and … hot damn! I’m going to a playoff game this season.
(I know, I know, I’m insane. I pick the Celts to make the playoffs every year. They could be starting the five guys from the Backstreet Boys, and I’d still pick them to win 40 games. I’m a homer. Just indulge me.)
7. Atlanta Hawks
A crunch-time lineup that includes Theo Ratliff, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Toni Kukoc and Jason Terry? I’m sold. I don’t even care about the fact that the Hawks addressed their point guard problems by rolling the dice with two total unknown free agents — Emanual Davis and Jacque Vaughn. If either of them pan out, they make the playoffs. Hell, even if both of them stink, they’ll just move Terry to the point and still probably have enough for a playoff run.
There’s a lot to like here: Shareef finally found a half-decent team (the classic “Good Player with a Fresh Start” scenario); Ratliff wants to shove it in Philly’s face; Kukoc is one of the few inventive offensive players in the league (when healthy); Terry always presents matchup problems for his opponents (he’s too quick for most 2-guards); and the Atlanta bench (Alan Henderson, Nazr Mohammed, even Dion Glover) can actually lend a helping hand from time to time. Interesting team. We’ll see if the point guards pan out. And even if they don’t, they can always trade for a serviceable veteran like, oh, say … Kenny Anderson?
(Note to Celts GM Chris Wallace: Send tapes of Kenny to Atlanta from his Georgia Tech days with “Time for a homecoming???” on the VHS label. If they ask for any footage of Kenny from 1991 on, tell them you lost the tapes. Just trust me on this.)
6. New York Knicks
And yet I have no doubt that the Knicks will make the playoffs again this season. None. Either the league is fixed or Jeff Van Gundy is that good. Maybe it’s a little of both.
5. Philadelphia 76ers
Danger! Danger! Warning signs everywhere! In order …
And with all of that said … they still probably finish in the Top 5. As Norman Dale would say, that Iverson-Mutombo combination deserves and commands your respect.
4. Charlotte Hornets
But the bench … ugh. Stacey Augmon, George Lynch (out for two months), Bryce Drew, Matt Bullard and Jamal Magliore. Welcome to the CBA!!!! This means Charlotte’s starters will play too many minutes during the season and burn out within the first two rounds of the playoffs, just like they did last year.
(Hey, at least their fans like them. Um ….)
3. Orlando Magic
In mid-September, I wasn’t just ready to pick Orlando to make the Finals, I was ready to pick them to win the title. Everything seemed right about them. The scary-good Tracy McGrady would assume his rightful position as “Dominant player in the East.” Grant Hill would emerge as the Pippen to McGrady’s MJ. Guys like Mike Miller and Darrell Armstrong would thrive in supporting roles. The token washed-up veterans (Horace Grant and Patrick Ewing) would do token washed-up veteran things. An underrated bench (Miller, Bo Outlaw, Pat Garrity, Don Reid) would help carry them to 60-plus wins. And Doc Rivers would keep everyone on the same page.
First of all, I hate when the phrases “surgically repaired ankles” and “NBA player” show up in the same sentence. It’s never a good thing. Ankle problems haunt basketball players like shoulder problems haunt baseball pitchers and knee injuries haunt running backs — they never, ever, ever go away. Take it from someone who watched Kevin McHale’s career get sidetracked in the late-’80s and early-’90s because his feet and ankles started to betray him. It never gets better, it never totally goes away, and it always seems to rear its ugly head at the worst times.
So here’s Hill, who sat out last season after undergoing two separate surgeries on the same faulty ankle, and now that same ankle is already giving him problems again … and the season hasn’t even started yet. Not good. You wonder if he’ll ever be the same. It makes me sad to think of Hill limping along, if it comes to that. When he was healthy, few players glided around the court as effortlessly as he did (maybe Pippen and that’s about it). What a shame.
|The Sports Guy’s top eight fantasy basketball sleepers in the East:
1. Kenyon Martin: A different guy this year.
2. Derrick Coleman: Healthy, getting big minutes (for now).
3. Todd MacCulloch: Only true center on the Nets’ roster.
4. Speedy Claxton: Getting his chance with Snow out.
5. Milt Palacio: Boston’s starting PG by mid-December.
6. Kwame Brown: He’ll start coming on in February.
7. Zeljco Rebraca: Just for the hell of it.
8. Michael Jordan: Still a first-rounder (believe it).
Where does that leave Orlando? It’s impossible to say. Even if Hill gives them 60-65 games and stays relatively healthy in the playoffs, that’s still enough for Orlando to sneak into the Eastern finals. And if you think I’m showing too much faith in McGrady and Rivers, well, you’re right. I think they’re the best player-coach combo on the East. But between Miller’s injury (out at least two months with a broken foot) and Hill’s ongoing problems, they should struggle at least a little during the regular season. The No. 3 spot seems right.
(Quick tangent: If I could have anybody’s jump shot in the NBA, I would take Mike Miller’s. It’s perfect. It’s like seeing Heather Graham naked for the first time — you don’t even know what to say while you’re watching it. Words can’t do it justice. Ray Allen’s jumper ranks a distant second for me. Walter McCarty’s jumper ranks last.)
2. Milwaukee Bucks
Apparently chemistry doesn’t matter in the NBA anymore, because the two representatives in the 2001 Eastern Conference finals traded for Derrick Coleman and Anthony Mason this summer. Milwaukee’s move seemed like an even bigger risk than the Coleman trade, and Coleman is practically the human ebola virus — the Bucks gave away an overachieving veteran who always seemed to make big plays for them (Scott Williams) for Mason, an undersized power forward who only seems happy when the offense is running through him.
(And we haven’t even mentioned Mason’s considerable off-court baggage. Put it this way: Mark Chmura probably pumped his fist when he heard about this trade in a “Mike Torrez after the ball went through Bill Buckner’s legs” kinda way.)
Four leftover thoughts on the Bucks:
1. Toronto Raptors
That leaves us with the Raptors, the obvious choice to finish with the best record in the East this season. You have the potential superstar coming into his prime (Vince Carter) … the token sentimental veteran (Hakeem Olajuwon) … capable point guards (Alvin Williams and Chris Childs) … a rebounder/shot-blocker (Antonio Davis) … fresh legs off the bench (Keon Clark and Jerome Williams) …the veteran gunner (Dell Curry) … and the token “Young Player Who Needs To Step Up” (Mo Peterson).
But can this team make the Finals and actually scare the Lakers? Somebody needs to step up as a second scorer. It can be a different person every game — that’s how Philly did it last year — but somebody from that Williams/Hakeem/Peterson/Davis group needs to help Carter game in and game out next spring. They also need Hakeem to stay healthy and avoid the giant salad fork that seems to suddenly find All-Pro centers when they hit their late-30s.
Most importantly, they need Carter to make that Iversonian leap to The Next Level. Vince played very well last season, sometimes great, and he carried them at times in the playoffs … but he wasn’t consistently dominant the way Iverson was, and he wasn’t remotely in the same ballpark as McGrady, Iverson and Kobe on both sides of the ball. You wonder if Vince is destined to become his generation’s Dominique Wilkins, a highlight film guy and Roto God whose teams always fall short in the end. Maybe Jordan’s return will get the proper amount of competitive juices flowing for him. We’ll see.
First round: Milwaukee, Orlando, Philly and Toronto advance. There’s your Final Four, in some order. Guaranteed.
Second round: Toronto gets revenge on Philly; Milwaukee holds off Orlando (I’m guessing that Hill never fully recovers).
Eastern finals: Milwaukee stuns the Raptors in six. While everyone waits for Vince to make The Leap, Ray Allen quietly kicks his rear end and propels the Bucks into their first Finals in 28 years. He got game.
COMING WEDNESDAY: My breakdown of the Western Conference
Bill Simmons writes three columns a week for Page 2.