A most glorious week is upon us: the upfronts, a time for the networks to unveil their programming for the following year, spend a ton of money on the rollout, and occasionally party in the process.
One of these networks is NBC, the channel that has brought the viewing public such shows as The Blacklist, Mad About You, and Undateable. In its 2015 upfront, nine dramas were presented, including one starring WESLEY F*@#$%# SNIPES, The Player. But it’s not just dramas, because there’s also the show everyone’s about to be talking about.
People Are Talking.
You know the old saying: “People can’t seem to stop talking — about People Are Talking.”
People Are Talking is a comedy starring Mark-Paul Gosselaar, a woman who plays his wife, another man, and a woman who plays the second man’s wife. And by the looks of it, you might want to take a seat while watching People Are Talking. Because it’s going to get edgy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UecXknwV4Wo
The premise of People Are Talking:
Unabashed? You better believe it. Diverse? Like the U.N., baby. Outspoken? I’D SAY SO. Out of bounds? More like there are no bounds to go out of because everyone is so diverse and outspoken.
They’re talking about everything: race, gender, sex, gender, sex, race, gender, sex, sex, and race. And they’re not going to stop until you get more comfortable talking about everything.
This show could be funny, and I genuinely hope it is. It could also be terrible, mainly because it’s a comedy on network television. That speculation isn’t what’s important. What matters is how these scenes came together. Or better yet, how it seems like this show is being structured:
You can’t go wrong using this method. It’s too big too fail. Here’s every scene in the trailer analyzed by this formula.
Scene 1: Outside Restaurant
White Man Be Like: “As a white man, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t racially profile my black friend. You’re making our race look bad and my black friend uncomfortable.”
Other White Man Be Like: “Fellow white man, I’m not racially profiling your black friend, I was racially profiling you because in your car there’s a John Mayer album, music that is traditionally considered white. Also, I think you’re the one making your black friend uncomfortable.”
Black Man (in His Head) Be Like: What, a black man can’t listen to white John Mayer? Do you two white men think black people just listen to black music?
Black Man (Aloud) Be Like: “White friend, no need to stick up for me just because I’m the black friend. And as much as I like to hear two white men argue over who was most accurately racially profiled, I would like to go now. Both of you are making me uncomfortable.”
Scene 2: Dinner Table
Black People Be Like: “We have to pray before we eat because we are black.”
White Man Be Like: “I don’t pray before I eat because I am white and saying grace is very black, but I have black friends who are praying so I’ll pretend.”
Scene 3: Dinner Table
Non-Black People Be Like: “How do you know Jay Z?”
Black People Be Like: “I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who works for Jay Z.”
Men Be Like: “Who is that guy, though?”
Women Be Like: “Mind your business.”
Men Be Like: “I’m minding my business.”
Scene 4: Car
Men Be Like: “We’re driving.”
Men Be Like: “Who’s going take care of this baby so we can go have fun and be men?”
Scene 5: Front Door
Men Be Like: “The babysitter is young.”
Men Be Like: “The babysitter is attractive.”
Men Be Like: “Uh-oh.”
Scene 6: Driveway/Basketball Court
Man Be Like: “Why do you care that the young, attractive, low-cut-shirt-wearing babysitter is young, attractive, and wearing a low-cut shirt?”
Other Man Be Like: “Because she’s a young, attractive, low-cut-shirt-wearing babysitter.”
First Man Be Like: “Oh yeah.”
Scene 7: Living Room
Men Be Like: “Why she doing this to me? My wife is right here.”
Scene 8: Driveway/Basketball Court
Men Be Like: “Let’s talk about big breasts, that’s always fun.”
One Man Be Like: “Quiet down, your wife is coming.”
Women Be Like: “What are you men talking about?”
Men Be Like: “Let’s lie.”
Women Be Like: “Y’all lying.”
Men Be like: “OK, let’s lie a little less, but still mainly lie.”
Women Be Like: “Other women are sometimes hot, it’s OK.”
Men Be Like: “It’s a trap.”
Women Be Like: “But she better not be hot enough for you to mess up, because if you mess up I will find you and kill you.”
Men Be Like: “HELP, I KNEW THIS WAS A TRAP.”
Scene 9: Living Room
Black Woman Be Like: “White man, you cute, but that’s it.”
Scene 10: Living Room
Men Be Like: “I know her from porn.”
Scene 11: Car
Men Be like: “Let’s watch porn together.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s laugh at this porn together.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s analyze this porn together.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s grade this porn together.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s give this porn historical context.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s predict what happens in this porn together.”
Scene 12: Living Room
Women Be Like: “Let’s keep the hot babysitter that we planted around because it’s a trap for our thirsty husbands, who are dogs because all men are dogs.”
Scene 13: Front Door
Men Be Like: “Let’s look at the young girl one last time, because what if we never see her again?”
Scene 14: Car
Parents Be Like: “Let’s go to a concert and remember what it was like to feel young.”
Man Be Like: “I can’t stop thinking about the young, attractive, large-breasted babysitter, oh no, I just said that aloud because I’m a man and dumb.”
Scene 15: Car
Couples Be Like: “Let’s watch porn with other couples.”
Couples Be Like: “Let’s analyze this porn together.”
Couples Be Like: “Let’s have a foursome. That won’t be weird the next day, forever.”
Men Be Like: “Let’s sit on top of cars. It makes us look cool and hunky.”
People are talking. This fall. About People Are Talking, debuting this fall.