As you read all this Thronery, go ahead and listen to Sigur Rós’s rendition of “The Rains of Castamere,” a.k.a. the song you hear before you and everyone you love [spoilers redacted] right in the middle of [spoilers redacted]. (You can also watch Iceland’s preeminent post-rock bards appear on the show in the flesh here, although you’re risking spoilers.)
Now: Stephen King did a shady thing last night! He tweeted (again: SPOILSKIESSS) the big Game of Thrones twist out to his 373,000 followers, West Coast people and DVR time-shifters be damned. Then he refused to entertain any of the whine-assing he was inevitably deluged with.
Thus spake Uncle Stevie.
For the spoiler-avoiders who still want a GoT thing to click today: Here are the possible reactions to the big episode. (As advertised: zero spoilers — UNLESS you click all the way through to the original source. There’s a spoiler there. Oh my god, spoiler doesn’t even sound remotely like a word anymore.)
Sad Men: At 2.3 million viewers, the Season 7 premiere was Mad Men’s least-watched since Season 2 back in 2008. Mad Men was barely even a thing back then, guys! What gives? (For a little perspective, though: Season 4 and Season 5 premiered to 3.54 million and 3.4 million, respectively.)
So … who didn’t #killit at Coachella, bro?
The global success of “Happy” makes Pharrell break down in tears of joy. (Warning: real feelings. Oprah’s involved.)
Jewish James Bond, starring Phil Rosenthal and Patton Oswalt.
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Baz Luhrmann might do a Kung Fu film next. No word on how much music would be infused.
Kelis’s Food is streaming over at NPR.
Amazing, eerie poster for David Fincher’s adaptation of Gone Girl.
Benedict Cumberbatch is not Star Warsing — or so he says.
Here’s Bryan Cranston resurrecting “tread lightly” to help a boy ask a girl to prom.
PSA: RDJ is tweeting.
Your new Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction: Donna Tartt’s The Goldfinch. Everyone who told you to read it was right!
And Donald Childish Gambino Glover — who’s clearly got ambitious ideas in play with his Deep Web Tour and basically everything associated with his second album — has a slick interactive video/tour diary for “Sweatpants,” one of the best songs on Because the Internet. But apparently his label, Glassnote, botched it and he’s irate. Tweets, compiled: “so this sweatpants video and blog was important to us. and it wasnt handled correctly. we were told a lot of things were gonna happen and they were all lies. so im done. someone buy me out of this contract. a lot of people came around after our first week sales. all those people are welcome now. def jam, atlantic, whatever. i dont like record companies. but im not having another project go through this.”