Syfy announced today that its crown TV-movie jewel will birth not only a sequel but also a threequel. With Sharknado: The Second One still three months away, we’ve got ample time to daydream about Sharknado 3: ’Nado Forever: Beyond Sharknadome. It’s impossible to guess how the creative team will top itself (unnecessary reminder: in Sharknado, a human male wielded a chain saw, plunged into a flying shark’s maw, and hacked his way to freedom), but we can certainly speculate about the cast. With Sharknado 2 set to feature return appearances from Tara Reid and Ian Ziering, as well as a potpourri of B-, C-, and D-listers, musicians, and non-actors including Andy Dick, Mark McGrath, Billy Ray Cyrus, Judah Friedlander, Perez Hilton, Judd Hirsch, Vivica A. Fox, Kelly Osbourne, and wrestler Kurt Angle, who’s worthy of Part 3?
Richard Attenborough. Ninety years old. Familiar with toothy beasts. Will, without a doubt, say, “Welcome … to a sharknado.”
Leah Remini. Survived Scientology and nine years of TV marriage to Kevin James; can handle an aberrant weather phenomenon stuffed with sea predators.
Steve Harwell. Smash Mouth vocalist, all-star.
Billy Zane. Disaster-film veteran. Makes his own luck.
J.B. Smoove. In a completely serious role.
Jane Seymour. Dr. Michaela Quinn, frontier healer.
Billy Eichner. Human scream.
Fran Drescher. The Nanny star, woman with voice.
Scott Stapp. Creed frontman, man with voice.
Jaleel White. In two roles: as himself, and as an adult Steve Urkel.
Jennifer Coolidge and Jane Lynch. Party Downand Best in Show alums.
James Michael Tyler. Gunther, Friends.
Michael Jai White. Star of actually cool modern B-movie Black Dynamite.
Jesse Camp. Former MTV VJ/walking drug addiction.
Christopher Walken. Once said, “[I]t’s hard for me to say no.” Did Gigli, Click, and Balls of Fury to prove it.
Fieldy. Korn member, slap bassist, jersey enthusiast.
And Quentin Tarantino. Please.