Do you remember being surprised about the velocity of the interest spike in last summer’s first Sharknado film? How quickly it went from “thing I am going to watch and tweet about, to the increasing dismay of my family and colleagues,” to “thing everyone, everywhere is suddenly and virulently obsessed with, up to and including my priest, gynecologist, and mailman”? Right, so this summer the preoccupation with the sequel is churning up interest good and early, and has whipped a number of brands into an insane promotional tizzy. We’ve been counting down to this sucker since we had to count it in weeks; now that we can count in hours, we present a salute to its corporate excesses:
Most Surprising Comic-Con Reveal: Does “that Sharknado rated a Comic-Con appearance” count?
Second Most Surprising Comic-Con Reveal: Richard Dreyfuss professing never to have heard of Sharknado. Richard Dreyfuss, as Sharknado 2’s director points out, was in Piranha, which was somehow released theatrically and not nearly as much fun. You’re not better than us, Dreyfuss, and we mean that in the most hopeful way imaginable. We are your people; kindly join us. THREEQUEL. THREEQUEL. THREEQUEL.
Best mood-setting activity, sports category: Mets-Phillies, tonight at 7:10 ET. Ian Ziering will be throwing out the first pitch, and if we have one complaint, it’s that he’ll be throwing a ball to a professional baseball player, and not tossing it up stickball-style and hitting it with the flat of a chainsaw blade into the stands. There’s less likelihood, in that scenario, of tearing his UCL, requiring Tommy John surgery on his good chain-sawin’ elbow, and throwing off the schedule for Sharknado 3: Sharknado vs. Pteranoferret.
Best mood-setting activity, pop-culture category: Swamp Shark, airing on SyFy tonight at 7 ET and reairing at 1 a.m. Tuesday. Connoisseurs of the genre will recall this opus as SyFy’s last summer shark offering before the network really got famous for it with 2012’s Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Swamp Shark stars Kristy Swanson, D.B. Sweeney, large guns and airboats, and Robert Davi, with one Wade Boggs as “Deputy Stanley.” [Editor’s note: Wade Boggs!]
Line of note from that trailer: “This is not a normal shark. It swims. It kills. And it’s out there.” Unlike other sharks.
Best sexualization of the Sharknado phenomenon: The cast getting the high-contrast photo shoot treatment from GQ, complete with sultry snarls, suggestively opened mouths, and Mark McGrath erotically brandishing a spear gun.
Most successful bizarre branding tie-in: Subway Jared stays winnin’, y’all.
(Sorry, Joe’s Crab Shack, but you’re mixing your summer shark movie metaphors to an unacceptable and brand-mangling degree.)