Posts by Max Silvestri
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We Found It on Netflix Instant: Tim Allen in Crazy on the Outside
Every so often, Max Silvestri plunges into the depths of his Netflix queue, resurfacing with reports of the strange things he’s found there. These movies are usually terrible, but he writes about them anyway. What It’s About: A recently paroled ex-con (Tim Allen) moves back in with his family and has to adjust to how […]
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We Found It On Netflix Instant: Big Money Rustlas
What It’s About: A sheriff (Shaggy 2 Dope) and a crime lord (Violent J) battle for control of the Wild West town of Mud Bug. Also, many characters wear clown makeup. Who It’s For: Fans of normal, classic Westerns, and also fans of people who wear clown makeup. Big Money Rustlas is a comedy Western […]
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We Found It on Netflix Instant — Atlas Shrugged: Part 1
What It’s About: A couple of humorless dicks face many boring obstacles in the course of building a slightly faster and safer light-rail system. Who It’s For: Assholes and metallurgy buffs. Hold up. This is what Atlas Shrugged is about? So many people tried to sell me on this book in college, and I avoided […]
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We Found It on Netflix Instant: Stay Cool With Winona Ryder
What It’s About: Twenty years after graduation, an emotionally crippled writer is still hung up on Winona Ryder, a girl who was nice to him once. He returns to his hometown to give a commencement address and tries to put it in her. Who It’s For: Emotionally crippled writers. High school was not the easiest. […]
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We Found It on Netflix Instant: Hunt to Kill With Steve Austin
What It’s About: Stone Cold Steve Austin and his daughter are kidnapped by crooks, so he uses his knowledge of the woods and rocks and things to kill the crooks. Who It’s For: Fans of nature videos who want slightly more grunting, slow-punching, and arthritic joint-bending between their pictures of leaves. There was a time […]
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We Found It On Netflix Instant: Apartment 12 with Mark Ruffalo
What It’s About: a series of professional and romantic setbacks almost causes a talentless LA. Artist (Mark Ruffalo) to face his own worthlessness Who It’s For: talentless L.A. artists This review may be hard to take for those of you who think Mark Ruffalo is perfect. He’s pretty great, I agree. He picks good scripts, […]
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We Found It on Netflix Instant: Blue Seduction
What It’s About: Your friend Billy Zane plays a composer in a wig falling victim to the manipulative charms of a young girl who can’t sing and doesn’t take off her bra. Who It’s For: Music industry professionals. This is the most accurate on-screen portrayal of the recording industry since Alvin & the Chipmunks: The […]
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Spending Some Quality Time With the Sorority Girls UK
Most of what I know about England I learned from reading books about spies and watching Downton Abbey, so my knowledge is admittedly limited. But from what I understand, the United Kingdom does smashingly when it comes to snooty clubs with particular membership requirements. Their whole country is lousy with them. Yes, we have them, too, […]
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Rachael vs. Guy: The Two-Hour Sudden Finale Spectacular!
With little fanfare or notice, the Food Network decided to wrap up Rachael Vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off in five weeks instead of six. This past Sunday they aired the final two episodes back-to-back. Perhaps they worried the finale would get much higher ratings than the Super Bowl, and Guy Fieri didn’t want to be responsible […]
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We Found It On Watch Instantly: The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations
What It’s About: An Abercrombie model with the ability to time travel tries to solve his ex-girlfriend’s murder, killing scores more on the way. Who It’s For: Mothheads, which is the name for Butterfly Effect superfans that I just made up. Don’t you hate it when you keep forgetting to watch a movie, for 416 […]