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With More Time on His Hands, Rajon Rondo Gives Connect Four Advice to Children

Every week, champion Connect Four player Rajon Rondo takes the time to answer your questions about Connect Four strategy, gameplay, and positional play.

Connect Four — variously known as Find Four, Fourplay, and Four in a Row — is a classic two-player game of strategy. Fast, fun, and deceptively simple, it’s the ideal game for competitive strategic thinkers of every age. Every week, champion Connect Four player Rajon Rondo takes the time to answer your questions about Connect Four strategy, gameplay, and positional play.

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 9.11.14 PM

Q: Hi, Rajon.

I love playing Connect Four. I always play with my dad and sometimes now I can beat him! I like to be yellow because that’s the color of bees, and I always like to drop my first chip in the left corner. What would your next move be in this situation?

Thanks,
Becky, Age 6. Santa Monica, CA.

rondo_and_carlisleA: Becky,

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 9.11.22 PM

Sorry to burst your bubble, but your dad lets you win. Either that or he’s more trash at this game than you are. This is terrible chip placement. If you were my child and you made this move, I wouldn’t speak to you for at least five months. There are over four trillion possible permutations to Connect Four, and you picked the shittiest way to begin your game. Start in the center every single time if you want to win. Never start in the corners. Or I guess do whatever you want if you want to continue to be trash.

Cheers,
Rajon

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Q: Mr. Rondo,

You are my favorite basketball player and Connect Four player. I was hoping you could help me with this game. I am playing the yellow color and it is my move, but no matter what I do I think I’m going to lose. What should I do?

Reese, Age 5. Orlando, FL.

NS_21MAVSrockets26_43477535_629A: Reese,

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Ya burnt. No matter where you put your chip, red would still have four ways to finish you. I love getting chumps like you in situations like this. This is a Sophie’s Choice, which is when you have to choose which of your kids gets murdered by the Nazis. Watch that movie, you might learn something. How did you let red get the middle locked up with three chips going across? Never play Connect Four again.

Best,
Rajon

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Q: Dear Rajon,

I am your biggest fan. How did you hurt your back? P.S., I like to make pictures with my Connect Four game. This is a face that I just made.

Naveen, Age 5. Boston, MA.

Screen Shot 2015-04-22 at 1.06.42 AM (1)A: Naveen,

What the fuck? That looks nothing like a face. Like, this so little resembles a face that I wonder if you might not have some undiagnosed eye problem or maybe a brain tumor. Let me ask you something: Why are you wasting my time? Get your eyes checked.

As for my back, I hurt it bending down to pick up the pile of shit plays that my coach drops on the court every time he opens his damn mouth. I know what plays to run just like I know what a face looks like.

Cheers,
Rajon

Q: Mr. Rondo,

Last week you came to my son’s school and played him and a number of other students in Connect Four. You called him “obviously an idiot” and said his opening strategy was “like the work of an inbred with fetal alcohol syndrome who was probably dropped on his head.” He says that when he was about to win, you knocked the game over and pulled the fire alarm. I don’t have a question.

Raymond, Age 39. Austin, TX.

rajon-rondoA: Raymond,

Whatever, dude.

Rondo out.