On the one hand, a personalized photo from Kelly Kapowski is just about untouchable. That’s the dream. That’s the Queen. Want to impress anyone you ever meet who also happened to grow up in the ’90s? Boom. Here’s a personalized photo that Kelly Kapowski sent me a few years ago. Yeah, it was a birthday present. No big deal. This is a conversation that Chris Paul will have hundreds of times for the rest of his life. It’s the ultimate icebreaker, and when he inevitably becomes president one day — smiling for the cameras and kissing babies and cheap-shotting opponents behind closed doors — this photo will be a great way to disarm any dignitaries visiting his office. For now, it’s just a great birthday present.
“This is easily one of the best Bday gifts I’ve ever received in my 29yrs on this Earth!!!” Chris Paul said.
On the other hand, have you ever ridden a Segway? You really need to. It’s like the difference between first class and coach. Once you experience the other side, you’ll never look at walking the same way. Next time you’re in a strange city, take one of those stupid Segway tours, because screwing around on a Segway is a hundred times more fun than walking around the streets like a pathetic regular citizen. This was a machine that was invented specifically for Puff Daddy. Just wait till you learn how to spin on one of these things. You may think you live your life like the whole world is a playground, but a Segway will make the dream almost a literal reality. Given all that, could you think of anyone in the world who belongs on a Segway more than Nick Young? That’s definitely why Iggy got it for him. He probably can’t play on one of these things, but he should absolutely be allowed to practice on one.
VERDICT: This was a trick question. Forget Kelly Kapowski. In any competitions concerning happiness or quality of life, the winner is always Nick Young. Have a great afternoon. Go chase the Segway life.