Hey guys. What did y’all do this Halloweekend? Egg your jerk neighbor? Good! He deserves it! Hand out king-size Snickers so every family on your block would know you’re the 1 percent of your small town? I’m rolling my eyes at you. TP your cross country coach’s house? I hope you didn’t twist an ankle, because he’ll get real mad.
Me? I cleaned my apartment, because I live a very cool and glamorous life here in Southern California. No worries, though! I’ll just live vicariously through your All Hallows’ Eve adventures. So don’t forget to enter Grantland’s Halloween Costume Contest by sending us your pictures from this weekend. (E-mail us at email@example.com. You can find the rules here.) Make sure to get us your entries by high noon (PDT) on Tuesday. (That is tomorrow, in case you’re one of those people who can’t do dates. Look, it’s OK. I’m one of those people who can’t do dates. I’m just saying. Deadline’s tomorrow.) The winner gets a bunch of stuff. The losers still got to have fun this weekend. So BASICALLY what I’m saying is that there are no losers, really. Except me. Because I was cleaning.