Before jumping into the bittersweet final episode of Hard Knocks — Real World: Atlanta, here’s every single thing Coach Bryan Cox said in the closing credits of Episode 4.
• “Ohhh, you one of them mushy dudes.”
• “I don’t even know what Vanilla Sky is, but I just know that it’s a fluffy movie.”
• “I like to watch Shallow Hal and movies like that. That’s what I like.”
• “Life was real good.”
• “Ride Along was hilarious to me.”
• “Best Man Holiday is the best movie out in the last five years, I think.”
• “21 Jump Street.”
• “Love and Basketball was a love movie I liked a lot.”
• “Adam Sandler movies. I like any movie he put out, I’m going.”
• “I haven’t seen Tammy yet, but a movie like Tammy I would love.”
• “Identity Theft was hilarious to me.”
• “I like the movies that, when you go to the newspaper, and look at the review, they got three stars. ‘Cause those damn people don’t know what they hell they be talking about. I wanna go see them movies, I don’t want to go see the ones for the Academy Awards. Them some boring-ass movies. I don’t want to see them movies. Too serious. I don’t want to see them movies. I got enough stress in my life to go watch some more stressful shit. I don’t want to see that.”
He deserves any award that he is eligible for.
The 40 Most Atlanta Things That Happened in This Episode, Ranked
40. Roddy White, coming to Matt Ryan’s Running Routes Class late, yawning, not knowing the answer, then making everyone laugh, and then running the route wrong in the 2015 Super Bowl and blaming it on Richard Sherman.
39. This boom mic, during Jacques Smith’s apology speech.
38. Ricardo Allen, after dropping a would-be interception:
“I owe my momma a new car. I just left the money on the field.”
37. Everything that is happening in this picture:
36. Matt Bryant the gawd, forever dressing like a man who knows he will never be cut, ever ready to go to Hilton Head.
35. WR Freddie Martino getting cut while wearing a Miami Heat hat.
34. Osi’s House:
33. “You did well for yourself” —Coach Mike Smith, assuring the newly cut person that they’re still a good person and a hard worker.
32. “I’m like a kid in the candy store. And we got all the good candies” —Roddy White, on his team’s talent this season.
31. The conversation after WR “Amsterdam” falls and pulls his hamstring:
Amsterdam: “My hammy!”
William H. Moore: “You tore it off the bone?”
Amsterdam: “Nah.”
William H. Moore: “Boy, you good then.”
30. An additional comment, by another player, as Amsterdam sat on the ground, dealing with the injury that led to him not making the 53-man roster:
“Get your ass up.”
29. Devonta Freeman, trying out recliners at the La-Z-Boy store.
28. Tyler Starr’s fiancée:
27. The “Words of Wisdom” jar of affirmations in Ricardo Allen’s house.
26. The gratuitously lush shot of Centennial Park featuring the fountain and the Ferris wheel.
25. GM Thomas Dimitroff’s “Pajama Rich” Look of the Week:
24. Ricardo Allen’s Charles Barkley golf swing.
23. PRINCE SHEMBO TAKING HIS MAMA, MAMA PRINCE SHEMBO OUT TO BUY JEWELRY.
22. “I’m tardy to the party.” —Roddy White
21. KIM COX:
20. “Wife make me take a shower, so I take like three showers a day.” —Bryan Cox on smelling like cigars
19. Bryan Cox Cigar Action Shot Face 1:
18. Bryan Cox Cigar Action Shot Face 2:
17. Crab night at the Cox residence:
16. The narrator telling the Falcons to “Rise Up.”
15. Nigerian mentorship from Osi Umenyiora.
14. Atlanta beating Jacksonville at something.
13. Georgia beating Florida at something.
12. The Tyler Starr “making the team” segment, into a fried chicken segment at Harry Douglas’s house.
11. Harry Douglas telling his wife that her chicken-frying skills have improved tremendously.
10. Footage of the pool at the Jacksonville stadium while Ludacris’s “Number One Spot” plays.
9. Bryan Cox inquiring about the price of getting into the pool at the Jacksonville stadium.
8. “Have a seat, buddy” —Coach Mike Smith, before cutting someone.
7. The game of spades during the end credits.
6. Julio Jones, Spades Face 2:
5. Julio Jones, Spades Face 1:
4. A full segment about the new Falcons Transformer stadium that really has nothing to do with the current season.
3. Arthur Blank further pushing the stadium gospel. This is why the Falcons are on Hard Knocks.
2. “Our focus starts today, on the New Orleans Saints.” —Mike Smith refueling the hatred toward the football team that plays in New Orleans
1. “That’s how you play cards, boi. Shit.” —Julio Jones, while wearing that hat, to end the season of Hard Knocks
